Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween

A good week. Let's review shall we?

- Well UK won a football game. Now I could sit here and criticize them for the fact they they barely beat a team that looked much worse than them, but as Mark Story suggested in the paper, let's all just be glad they won.

-So I lied to you all: I really did go as Kenny Bruce to the Halloween party. Here's the coversation I had with several people that night:

Person: So who are you supposed to be?
Wes: Kenny Bruce.
Person: Huh?
Wes: (Hikes soccer shorts up shorter than they already are)
Person: Oh, I get it!!!

-CONNOR SEARS READ THIS MESSAGE: Due to your continual complaining about how I forgot to mention you in the recent Lord of the Rings post, I have finally decided to add you in. Your character shall, at your request, be the patriarch of the Proudfoot family (sorry I don't remember his first name). So there you go. Push those spectacles up high, my friend.

-Hats of to Connor's girlfriend Meredith for letting me borrow her chapstick yesterday. I'm glad she had some cause my lips hurt real bad.

-Song of the Week: Mr. Brightside by The Killers

-Who's got my back if start submitting columns to the Kernel? I need a support group.

-And now, for the first edition of GOOD IDEA, BAD IDEA:

GOOD IDEA: Mimicking Conan O'Brien by pushing up you fake spectacles so as to make fun of nerds.

BAD IDEA: Trying to do this at 1 in the morning and poking yourslef in the eye instead.

-If you ever get a chance, watch Friday the 13th with the TV on mute. It is pretty hilarious.

-Andy and Troy, remember that time we handed out Ramen noodles to the trick or treaters on our street? That was awesome.

-NCAA Football '06 Cheat of the Week: I punt the ball. The punt returner doesn't call for a fair catch. I run at him and am going to drill him when he catches the ball, when a dude from the other team comes up and pushes my player IN THE BACK, sending me tumbling into the punt returner. I get called for interference. WHAT THE CRAP!?!?!?!?! I commit no penalty and get called for interference. The computer commits 2 penalties: blocking in the back, and BLATANT CHEATING, but gets called for neither of them. Anyway, I no longer have an XBOX cause I chucked it throught he window.

That's all for tonight, I am real tired, I did not sleep enough this weekend. Let's make it a great week where ever you are.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Gotta Say This Real Quick

HERE'S WHAT YOU DID COMMENTERS TO LAST POST: I wrote a post about not talkin smack. So you all talked smack on the comment board. That's what you did.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Talkin' That Smack Makes The World Go Round

What I like about most of my male friends (as well as myself) is that we like to run our mouths about how good we are at stuff. My pal Brett likes to talk a lot about how he is gonna run me off the field at NCAA 'O6. Dustin likes to talk the smack about NHL video games, saying such things as "You can't handle Mario (Lemiuex)". Troy always likes to talk up a big game about everything he does, whether it be softball or basketball or even mowing lawns (at least back in the Lawn Barber days). There is Ryan Preece, who insisted that he would crush me at FIFA 2001. I think we all remember that that game ended in slaughter rule, with Wes's Irish Intimidators coming out on top. And just tonight, Sok tried to say that his flag football team was going to roll my team (he doesn't even know who's on my team).

So why is it that we like to run our mouths about such trivial things? Cause its fun, that's why. There's nothing more satisfying than beating someone at something when they have talked incessantly about how bad they were going to beat you. At that point, one of three things happens: they accept defeat gratefully, they beg for a rematch, or they get mad and take their toys and go home. Because, you see, there is the flip side to smack talk: you run your mouth and you get beat.

Bottom line here: don't run the mouth unless you got the goods to back it up. Don't come over and say that you will beat me at FIFA 2001, because you won't. I will tear you up. And that's a fact. Now of course, there are exceptions here. Only two people have beaten me: my brother, who I have played a thousand times, and Troy, who I lost once to while playing with the worst team in the history of the game. On an even level, I am unstoppable.

So when do you know that you are good enough at something to be able to talk samck about it? 5 signs that you are ready to rumble:

1) You have played the toughest competition there is to offer, and you have beaten it soundly. You cannot be the best until you beat the best. This especially applies to video games.
2) Other people acknowledge that you are the best in your field. I once played Andy in FIFA 2001. I was up like 10-0 at halftime, so we quit. From that point on, anytime someone came over claiming that they could beat me, Andy would warn them, saying "Wes is the master of FIFA 2001, he will crush you. You don't stand a chance, so don't bother."
3) You have earned your ranking. Remember in 2003 when Florida had just been rated #1 in the country after beating a dozen weak teams, and Matt Walsh ran his mouth about how they were going to come in to Rupp and beat Kentucky? Remember how he was shut down by His Pimpness Cliff "Rowdy" Hawkins, and Florida was crushed under the weight of their own ego?
4) You can win on anyone's turf. It is easy to win in a familiar environment. It is only when you take your game on the road and dominate that you deserve to talk that smack.
5) When you are able to overcome your own occasional mistakes and get the victory. You can't be perfect every game. Sometimes bad luck comes to town and tries to ruin your party. It's when you overcome these unfortunate events that you earn the right to talk.

Has your game met all these qualifications? If so, run that mouth. You've earned it. But if not, don't do it. Keep workin your game. Or as that brilliant thinker Curly from The 3 Stooges once said...."If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed." I think that says it all.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Another New Link

I have a new link for all to enjoy. You should check out Erin "Rosie" Thomas' new blog over to the right. It is entertaining, yet delighfully profound. I strongly recommend it. Erin is one of the only girls I know who has a weblog, so all you other ladies should take note and create your own as well. Don't be scared to join the party.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Time For Some Feedback

So lately among my various social groups (that's right, I said various social groups) there has been much reminiscing about TV shows of our bygone youth. Such classics such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (my favorite), The Elephant Show, Pete & Pete, Are You Afraid Of The Dark?, and of course, Fred Penner's Place (holla back Hagan) all have a special place in my heart, as they are the shows I grew up with. Some classics I was not allowed to watch for various good reason that I now understand (i.e. Ren and Stimpy). Some I was not allowed to watch for reasons I will never understand ( I was forbidden to watch Doug, the cleanest, most harmless, wholesome, thought-provoking, lesson-teaching, character-building show on TV at the time. Swing and a miss on that one, Jerry and Mindy).

Well there was this show years ago called Animaniacs that in my youth I would watch religiously. I'm sure many of you may recall as I know I wasn't the only one who enjoyed the wild antics of Yako, Wacko, and Dot. Well I was thinking about that show today, and how incredibly awesome of a show it was. There was this one part of the show called "Good Idea, Bad Idea". It is a pretty self-explanatory concept. At any rate, I have decided to adapt this idea to the blog. It will most likely resemble "What I Know/Think", so watch for it in the future.

What other shows did you enjoy as a young lad or lass? I have thought of about all that I can remember, as I had a lengthy conversation with some friends about this subject a couple Sundays ago. I am interested to hear about what you watched in your youth, especially if you are older than me.

This is the point where I stop talking and eagerly await your feedback.

Just a sec, I got one more thing to say: this is my interesting fact for the evening.

So I was just watching the tail end of Leno (waiting for Conan to come on of course) where I happened to catch Sinead O'Connor preform her new single. I noticed something funny: if you add a k and an h to Sinead, you get Skinhead. Skinhead O'Connor. I thought that was pretty funny. Cause she shaves here head.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I've Already Got An iPod, So I'm Pretty Much Set

Better take notes, it's review time:

-So this week in UK football.........aahhh screw it.

-This week in UK basketball, RONDOMINATION!!!!!!! Yeah baby, that's my
slogan for the new season. See, I mixed RONDO and DOMINATION together. Because Rondo dominates. Now I didn't see the scrimmage on Saturday, but wordon the street os that Rondo was drilling 3's left and right on his way to a cool 33 points. If that's the case, I predict an undefeated season. So go ahead and pick us to lose to garbage teams like you did last year, Digger Phelps. Go ahead a rank us preseason 18th. All I have to say is, watch out for the Cats in March. And November, and December, and January, and February.

-So what's funny is that on on Saturday the basketball scrimmage was the top story over the football game. Thataway, Rich Brooks. Way to hold on to that fan support.

-If you are interested in getting a "Troy Woodyard Marriage Campaign '07" T-shirt, talk to me or Hagan. We'll probably set up a stand over at the Campaign Headquarters on Joshua Circle.

-Mark your calenders: this Christmas break, we're gonna throw down all 3 Lord of the Rings movies in a row. Who's with me? Huh? Huh? I said who's with me?

-Here's my take on the whole "giving away of the iPod" on high-attendance Sunday: to be perfectly honest with you, I have no problem it and here's why.....most lost college students aren't coming to church on their own just because they want to hear about God. I say any motivation to get them there is fine. And, as a friend of mine pointed out, if one lost soul gets saved because they came thinking they could win an iPod, then who really cares? Do you think God cares? Do you think that God would hold that against us? I don't, but thats just my opinion....

-So I know you've all been dying to know what I'm going to be for the highly anticipated Halloween party this weekend....well here's what I've decided on: I'm throwin on the old soccer jersey and the short shorts and goin as international soccer superstar Kenny "The Juice" Bruce. OK, so I'm not really going as Kenny, was just using it as an excuse for a shout out to K.B. Holla atcha boy, Kenny....

-My real costume? I choose my costumes based on the comfort factor. I don't want a bothersome costume to annoy me all evening. My original idea (actaully it was Hagan's) was to be an iPod. But that would require wearing a large box all night. I'm not down with that. Anyway, I'm only gonna tell you this about my costume: it's gonna be hot. You know I make anything look good.

-So now that I a supposed to help plan socials for the college department, here's my first idea: getting involved with a fraternity. I suggest Tappa Kegga Day.

-Hats off to Derek (I don't know his last name, just met the guy) for letting us come over Sunday after church Sunday. Not only that, but he payed for the pizza himself. That's love right there.

-Eric Walters Misconstrual of the Week: So I give good old Erci a ride home tonight, and here's what transpired....

-Eric: Who is this? (referring to the music in the car)
-Wes: Fountains of Wayne

-Eric: Who?

-Eric: Fountains of Wang?!?!?!?!?
-Wes: (hysterical laughter)

-Song of the week: You're Just Never Satisfied by Fountains of Wayne

-Wes's Advice For The Week: "Spinners don't just spin by themselves, you have to be the one who gets 'em spinnin' "

Friday, October 21, 2005


I had this dream last night that I must tell you about. So me and some girl who I don't know were in this house, and it was all dark and stuff, when all the sudden Freddy Krueger showed up and started chasing us around. So eventually we ended up upstairs hiding behind a corner, knowing that Freddy was around the corner waiting for us. So normally what one would do at this point would be to find a way out of the house. Well the girl who was with me didn't want to do that, she wanted to stay and take Freddy out. She was like "Ok, let's jump around the corner and tackle him", but I was like "Doesn't he have 6-inch metal spikes coming out of his hands or something like that? I think we are a little outmatched here." But before I could get a response she had jumped around the corner, yelling and screaming, trying to tackle Freddy. Poor girl, she never had a chance. The next image I saw was of Freddy looking around the corner at me and grinning. Then I woke up.

Now I have never seen a Freddy Krueger movie, but I believe the whole idea of the story is that Freddy can give you nighmares and then he makes them become reality (please correct me if I am way off base here). Well as soon as I woke up, it was about 4 a.m. and it was dark, and I had to go to the bathroom. So I got up and went to the bathroom. As I was doing this I was thinking "Doesn't Freddy give you the nightmare, then show up and kill you or something? Shouldn't I be a bit concerned here?" I started to get a bit worried. Then I thought "Oh man, I flushed the toilet. He knows I'm awake now. I bet he likes to kill you when you're awake. Why would mutant serial killer who murders for fun want to kill me in my sleep?"

It's funny that at 4 a.m. I was able to analyze the entire situation, but forgot that Freddy Krueger doesn't exist. I even tried to tell myself that but a part of me just wasn't buying it. Fortunately I was so tired that as I debated this in my mind, I fell back asleep.

I know D. Blake has said it before, but dreams are cool. Especially when you know what really goes on when you dream. Did you know that everyone dreams whether they remember it or not? Did you know that you average 4-6 dreams a night? Do you know why you often feel like your legs are made of lead when you are running in a dream? It's because you are actually in a state of paralysis when you are asleep. You can't move your legs while you sleep, which carries over to sensations in your dreams. You know those dreams where you realize its a dream, and you can control what is happening? Those are called lucid dreams: you are actually partially concious when you are having one of these dreams. Did you know there is a rare disorder out there where people just start having dreams while they are awake? How freaky would that be? Pretty cool stuff, no doubt.

Thursday, October 20, 2005


Lend me your ears, fellow readers, comrades, and anonymous commenters, I have some business to attend to. It has come to my attention that a recent post about fads and some other posts may have been a bit offensive to some of the patrons of Cooperstown. Please understand that there was no ill will here toward any person or group of people, and that I offer my most sincere applogies to any who took offense. I meant no harm. These posts were simply a "looking back and remebering how funny that was" kind of thing and not a "Wes thinks you are a bad person because you gave in to a fad" thing. I was also kind of in a bad mood when I wrote them too, so some may have come off a little harsh. I am not here to make fun of you, and any "poking fun" is done in good humor because there is not a person who reads this blog who I don't love to death. And I am not just saying that, you can take that to the bank and cash it, cause it is real. If anything I want this blog to make people like each other more, not cause petty tiffs and quarrels as many did in the past.

And please note that any cynicism/sarcasm is directed at our culture, and not at specific people. When I make fun of those snowboots, I only do it because I don't get fashion, not because I think any less of a girl who chooses to wear them. I think most of you understand this, but I just want to make sure no toes are getting stepped on here, because I'm all about that love, baby.

So here is my proposal to you: I will try harder to be sensitive to others feelings. Here is what I ask of you: that you do the same. If you make a comment, keep it clean, and think before you write. Don't say something that you will regret. Now of course there are times when we will poke fun of each other. I am going to make fun of Troy every time he strikes out looking in softball, because I know he knows it is all in good fun, and that we all suck at softball. If you must know I make a fool of myself everyday. Like the time I drove my car into a tree in the parking lot because I accidently hit the accelerator instead of the brake. I have followed fads before. I have asked stupid questions. I have said stupid things. It's all good, my babies. Again, my appologies to any who may have taken offense; we are all friends here and I've got nothing but love. So with all that said, we still have some more business to attend to.

There is going to be some restructuring here at Cooperstown. There will be fewer posts where I deliver random thoughts, and a little bit more organization. Here's my plan for the new and improved Cooperstown:

-Move all random thoughts to "What I Think/What I Know" format (did I really just say that? Man I really am a nerd.)
-Continue CD and film reviews
-Continue with the weekly review
-Continue with "Hey, remember when...."
NOTE: This does not mean that there won't be the occasional post that doesn't fit this format. Those will most likely be editorials and the like, such as the bit I wrote about Halloween, and the one about alcohol use. These formats may also be combined if needed as well.

So that's about it I guess. We'll at least try this for a while and see how it goes. I think it will turn out better for all in the long run. If you are not completely satisfied with your Cooperstown experience, please let me know. And remember, if you are ever feeling stupid and down on yourself, at least you know that the Greek word for fellowship is coininea......

What Cracks Me Up

This is the kind of thing that makes me laugh:

-This morning in class we were talking about infidelity, and how men get more upset over the sexual aspect of it while women get more upset over the emotional attachments that their husband forms with another woman. So the professor puts this stat up on the board:

Survey Results:

Women: 82% more upset over emotional attachment, 18% more upset over sexual aspect.
Men: 60% more upset over sexual aspect, 40% more upset over emotional attachment.

Now whether you agree with these statistics is not the point here. The funny thing is what happened next.

The professor asks if anyone disagrees with this theory, and so some girls say that they think the sex part is worse, and some guys say that the emotional part is worse. So then after 5-10 minutes of discussion this one girl raises her hand and says that she disagrees witht the study because she thinks that women get more upset over the emotional attachments.

Did you see it? Did you catch the gaff? Study says: women get more upset over emotional attachment. Girl says: I disagree with the study, I think women get more upset over emotional attachment. I looked around the room to see if anyone else caught it. The dude next to me was laughing. The professor just kind of looked at her, then kind of changed the subject to avoid humiliating her.

I can't wait for my 3rd statistics class test, where inevitably someone will ask "Will there be math problems on this test? Will we need a caluclator?", even after he told us 10 times that the tests have no math problems. Unbelievable.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Can I Get A What What

Put this in your pipe and smoke it:

-Tomorrow marks the day when I begin my intense excercise regimen, beginning with a brisk morning run. Not a jog, but a run. See, the key to running is that you gotta suck it up. Everybody hurts, but you push through the pain. That's how it's done, and I'm gonna run till it hurts so good.

-Most of you don't know about the crazy technology here at Cooperstown. I have this site meter that not only counts hits but traces the visitors back to their visit location, as well as shows how you found this site. So to all you anonymous commenters, here's the bottomline: the jigs over, your cover is blown, I know who you are. Don't fight it anymore. Also, just so you know today we had an all-time high of 67 visits and 325 page views. So give yoursleves a cookie.

-Dick's Sprting Goods Footwear Employee Of The Month: Not me. Not John either.

-In case you hadn't figured it out yet, any baseless, abusive comments, or a fascimile there of, are immediately deleted by me, the author. Sorry, that's just how it's gotta be.

-Encouraging Professor Comment of the Week: "Some of you will do good on this test. Some of you won't, of course."

-One of these days I'm gonna punch a kid right off his bike when he nearly runs me over.

-One of these days I'm gonna jump-kick through the windshield of an oncoming car, Walker Texas Ranger style when they pretend like they are gonna run me over.

And now, a new segment I like to call "Hey remember when......". I got a good feeling about it.

-Chris, remember the "We Three Kings" adaptation we were writing a couple Christmas' ago? We have to finish that.

-Andy, remember that time we left Troy at Asian Wind, so he walked all the way home? That was awesome.

-Troy, remember that time I invented the Balloon turn-table and you took credit for it and everybody loved it? That was not awesome.

-Dave, remember that time you almost drove us off a cliff?

-DC, remember that time I showed you up with my superior beatbox skills?

-Smitty, remember that time you peed on the side of the Bluegrass Parkway?

-Justin, remember that time you licked a flashlight and got battery acid on your tongue? I guess I should have said this years ago but HERE'S WHAT YOU DID JUSTIN SOK: You saw some moisture on the lens of your flashlight. So you licked it. And it turned out to be battery acid. That's what you did. Also while I'm thinking about it, you owe me $20. This your last warning. I'm done playing nice with you bucko.

-Tapp, remember that time when you went to bed, secretly waited for Troy and I to both go to bed, then you snuck back into the living room and played NCAA Football till 2 am? Also, remember that time you ate sardines? That was nasty dude. And you wonder why I made you Gollum....he ate raw fish too.

-Lyric Of The Day: Oh girl, when I'm in love with you, keep fishin if you feel it's true. There's nothing much that we can do to save you from yourself.

That's all I have to say about that.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I'm Cool Because I'm Irish?

I'm just gonna be honest with you tonight: I don't like fads. If I had a Top Ten list of things that annoy me, fads would be right up there. Whether it be LiveStrong bracelets or Vote For Pedro shirts, i'm like the opposite of the McDonalds slogan: I'm not lovin' it. So I thought today of fads from my youth and from the present, and I came up with a few that stuck out.....

-Pogs: Perhaps the stupidest game known to mankind.

-Pokeman: Retract the above statement-this is the stupidest game known to mankind.

-Irish Heritage: Believe it or not, when I was at Clays Mill Elementary, you were cool if you had an Irish heritage. That is the honest truth, I don't make this stuff up.

-Reebok Pumps: Not a big fan of putting excess air pressure into the tongue of my shoe

-Velcro shoes: I took no part in this. This went on while I was in high school, and I saw Brandon Sok with a pair on the other day. I told him that they make Velcro shoes for very young children and for mentally disabled kids who don't know how to tie shoes. And it makes sense when you look at who started the whole thing anyway.....( cough cough Dave Campbell cough cough)

-Rap: Man we had these kids in middle school who were as white and middle-to-upper class as can be drawing Wu Tang Clan symbols everywhere and telling me how Tupac was still alive. What were you trying to do? Prove how bad you were? Cause you're not, so don't be a poser. (note: Troy if you ever find that Wu Tang shirt let me get that from you. You may be too scared to wear it to church but I'm not.)

-Throwing up the "West Side" sign: I went back and looked at my middle school yearbook a while ago, and no joke nearly every picture had kids throwing up the their "West Side" sign for all the world to see.

-"God Made Bananas" shirts: Man I'd like to know who made those shirts.....

-Trucker Hats: Don't wear trucker hats if you are not a trucker. I know this may offend some of you, but I'm not in the business of enabling your absurd behavior. Lose the hats.

-JNCO Jeans: I'm just gonna come out and say this: this is quite possibly the most absurd article of clothing a person can wear. Seriously, if you can fit two people inside one pant leg, it's time to rethink that outfit.

-Wearing a toboggan when it isn't cold outside: That is just a lack of common sense.

-Bob Marley: You were cool in high school if you liked Bob Marley, so most people said that they did. Liars, you were just trying to fit in. Bob Marley sucks and you know it.

-Stand-on Scooters: I don't know what those were about, but those things are dangerous.

-Poker: Don't even get me started on this one...

-Popping collars: Just don't do it.

-Guys wearing pink/purple: I don't have a problem with this if you can pull it off succesfully. As for me, I learned the hard way that pink was not working for me when long ago I let the girl next door pain my fingernails.

Got any more fads you want to mention? Let me hear them.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

What A Week

What a wild week it has been!!! Tests, softball finales, movie premiers, Big Blue Madness, frantic football finishes....I don't know if I can handle much more action. Let's start from the top:

-Well your's truly made his silverscreen debut on Friday night as Elizabethtown opened in theaters across the country. And although it only lasted a very brierf second, my scene made it into the film. How exciting it is to know that I was in a movie, even thought I served no purpose other than looking pretty. But that's what I got payed the big bucks for ($70 to be exact). And it turns out that the movie was actually pretty good. It's a win-win situation if you ask me.

-Friday night also marked the beginning of another college basketball season as teams from around the nation took the floors for their first practices of the season. The Cats are already getting no respect from college analysts, which is fine with me. They'll shut up when we run the table.

-What a weekend for college football! USC kept the streak alive on a last second TD, Penn State fell as time expired, and LSU held off Florida for the W. Now more than ever do I believe Texas will win the National Championship. Vince Young is a dominator.

-Now might be a good time to mention the Football Anouncer Comment of the Week: "Reggie Bush is like the 1st Ammendment with hips, the way he expresses himslef on the field is amazing."

-Me and Matt had a good trip to the gorge, although it was muddy as crap and I couldn't stop trippin all over stuff on the ground.

-I went to McDonalds tonight and got a McChicken sandwich. I ask for BBQ sauce and the lady at the drive-thru tells me that unless I ordered Chicken Nuggets I have to pay 11 cents for BBQ sauce. Much to her surprise I reached inside the window, grabbed some BBQ sauce and drove off. I don't pay for condiments, that's how I roll. And now she knows that.

-Ok so I didn't actually reach into the window and snatch the BBQ sauce from the lady. But I did give her a real mean look.

-Let me tell you how else I rolled this week: I threw down all over my Learning/Cognition test on Wednesday. I thought it had learend its lesson the first time, but it came back for more. And it got more discipline than it could handle this time. I say if you're not taking a test with attitude, then you're not taking a test at all.

-Song of the Week: I'm Glad There Is You (redone by Jaime Cullum)

I don't have much more to say at this point, except that it has been an action-packed week and I am exhausted. So instead of doing the "boyfriend/girlfriend phone conversation thing" where I stay on the line during uncomfortable silence even though I have nothing to say, I will just go ahead and hang up now. So........ see ya later. (-click-)

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Boys Of Fall

Well another fantastic season of softball came to an close on this chilly October night, and while the outcome was not what the team (and small fan base) desired, there were still some memorable moments along the way. As we look back upon the season, we salute those who left it all on the field not for fame, or fortune, or glamour, but simply for the love of the game (and the webgems of course).....

-Here's to you, Ryan Saffel, for beng the only constant in a sea of ballpark uncertainty. You are truly the glue that holds us together.

-Here's to you, Chad Elliot, for being the naive optimist, for finding the good among the bad, and for getting all the ladies to come to the games.

-Here's to you, Dan the Man, for your solid hitting and field presence that intimated even the bravest of souls.

-Here's to you, John Wiley, for your superb play in left field, and for your fiery spirit that made us all rethink what we were playing for.

-Here's to you, Todd Burus, for the times you denied the runner access to home plate, for the times you tried to get cheap outs by touching the other teams bat, and for your corked bat.

-Here's to you, Jason Lamb, the Great Lambino, for your managment tactics and for your play at shortstop. I bow humbly before you, my liege.

-Here's to you, Troy Woodyard, for your being called out on strikes, for your being called out on strikes, and for your your being called out on strikes. Better hit the batting cages this winter big guy.

-Here's to you, Dustin Coleman, because without you, no one would ever hit it to right field.

-Here's to you, Andy "Parker" Henard, for your stuff on the mound, for your fly-outs, and most of all for allowing me the chance to stare at that gorgeous behind of yours from out in center field.

-Here's to you, Chandler Snyder, for playing in only one game but having more errors in that game than most had all season. And for striking out in the High School State Championship game.

-Here's to you, Jon Canler, for being the most ripped muther I have ever seen, yet never taking one yard. No excuses Jon, no excuses.

-Here's to you, Bryce "Q-Tip" Cooper, for taking a ball right in the mouth in a losong cause.

-Here's to you, Hagan, for just being there.

-Here's to you, Ryan Preece, for never being there when we needed you the most.

-And finally, here's to you, Wes Cooper, for playing in three games and totaling exactly one hit and one walk. Fine work, my friend.

So I say to all of you, keep hope alive. There will be more games. More chances for big hits. More chances for webgems. But most likely, more chances to makes errors and kill drives. May you all be proud of what you have accomplished, for if there were a cloumn on the league standings sheet for "Games where we played well but just made a few to many errors and didn't get enough hits", we would be champions of the world. Rest well, my lieges.

Flotsam and Jetsam

What's floating around today.....

-Let's talk about Halloween for a second. Now I like Halloween a lot, I think it is a fantastic holiday. My church does not. For as long as I can remember Porter has provided a Halloween alternative known as the "Fall Festival". At this Fall Festival, kids show up in costumes and get candy. I hate to do this, but HERE'S WHAT YOU DID PORTER MEMORIAL BAPTIST CHURCH: You're against Halloween, so you have a party where kids come dressed up and get candy, which is what Halloween is. That's what you did.

Now let me expand a bit more. I know Halloween was originally a pagan holiday and this and that and blah blah blah. That's all fine and dandy. You're afraid that exposing kids to Halloween is going to turn them into some kind of Satan worshipper. Let me let you in on a little secret: we have been doing this whole Halloween thing as a culture for many many years now, and how many kids have gone Satanic? Not that many I would say. No 9-year old kid goes trick or treating, sees Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman, then says to himself "Hey, I think I'll worship the Prince of Darkness. That looks like a good idea." Here's what's ironic: very few kids are harmed by Halloween, a "Satanic" holiday, but I would say a ton more kids are affected by the materialistic side of Christmas, argaubly the most important of Christian holidays.

My point here is this: get off Halloween's back, it never did anything to you except rot your teeth and get you into minor trouble with the law. And churches, there are much worse things you're child could be doing than trick or treating. Everyone knows anyway that when you have your Fall Festival kids just treat it like a another stop on their trick or treat trail: they stop by, get the candy, then bounce. Besides that it makes the church look arrogant. God tells us to be in the world not of the world. This is a great way to do just that.

-I know this has happened to you before: you're sitting in class, trying to listen to the professor, when suddenly you are interrupted by the people near you having a conversation at FULL VOLUME. ??????? This annoys me to the nth degree. If you don't want to pay attention, that's fine. Take your little party outside. But don't be a distraction. And have a little respect for the professor. I swear I'm gonna slap somebody......

-Getting back to the Halloween theme, I stopped trick or treating at about age 10 because my parents wanted to follow local "laws"which I dont't even think existed. This upset me because all of my other friends trick or treated up until high school (not cool mom and dad. not cool.) They also wouldn't let me dress up as anything scary. One year I decided to be a scarecrow. The vision I had in my head was of a scarecrow with freaky eyes and nasty teeth and a creepy voice. Well that wasn't happeneing on Mindy's watch. So instead of being a scarecrow that year, I went as more of a queercrow (sorry Mindy but that costume was lame). Anyway, I was thinking today of all the characters I would dress up as if I had my childhood back. Here's a few I came up with:

1) Ringwraith: Is there anything cooler or scarier? I think not. I would go door to door muttering only two words in a cold, harsh voice: Shire........Sweet Tarts..........

2) Rich Brooks: People would probably give me a lot of candy just to see me go away.

3) Rick James: Use your imagination.

4) "The King" from the Burger King commercials: I can't get enough of The King. The blank stare says it all.

-One final item. Let me recomend a CD to you: Catching Tales by Jamie Cullum. The British sensation just released his newest album and I must say I am quite impressed. His first album was great too, check it out if you have never heard it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

When Criminals Come Calling, You Call RCU

The story:

-I haven't been able to see much Law & Order: SVU this season because I work on Tuesay nights, but that doesn't mean detective Stabler and his wingman Ice-T haven't been on my mind. You may recall from a previous post my idea of a new spinoff called Law & Order: RCU (Renegade Cops Unit). That dream is now coming to fruition. Here are a couple of storylines I think NBC might like.....

1) Stabler and Ice-T suspect a man of pedaphelia, so they wait outside his house till he comes out (with no arrest warrant of course), then proceed to escort him to the car to take him for a "ride". They take him to the roof of a 30 story building where they dangle hin over the edge until they get a confession from him.

2) A convicted sex offender is being accused of a particular crime to which he denies. So Stabler and Ice-T set his house on fire.

3) A serial killer who escaped the law years ago has returned and struck again. Wishing to find him before he can kill again, the DA sends out RCU to take care of business. Through various means of espionage, Stabler and Ice-T manage to catch the killer just as he is about to take the lie of his next victim. But just in time Stabler busts into the room and pistol-whips the killer in the head, knocking him to the floor. Ice-T stands over the man, staring coldly, and says "Book him", then kicks him in the ribs.

4) Ice-T interrogates a suspect who refuses to confess. Ice-T can't get him to admit, so he says "Maybe my bat will make you talk fool", after which stabler enters the room with a Louisville Slugger in hand and proceeds to break his kneecaps.

-The worst thing you can do as a restaraunt is to take away free refills. Make me pay for a refill and I will never purchase anything from that establishment again.

-If you ever want to make me mad, here's a good way: stop your car for no reason in the middle of an on-ramp. This happened to me this morning.

- Superb article in today's Herald-Leader by none other than the fabulous Mark Story. Here is the link if you are interested:

-One of these days, Mark Story is going to sneak into Merlene Davis's office late and night and steal her computer and printer, thus barring her from publishing any more crappy journalism. Then Merlene will call Mark a racist and say that white people don't want black people to have freedom of speech. Or computers.

- Got my first fantasy football win yestersay behind strong showings from Tom Brady, Terry Glen, and the Buffalo defense.

-Although the Red Sox are no longer in contention for the World Series, it eases my pain to know that the Yankess are out too.

- This may upset you, but I have come to realize that dogs are over-rated. I always thought I would get a dog later in life. A little weiner dog named Frodo. But I have decided to delay this for a very long time. Here's why:

1) Dogs are like children minus all of the good things about children: you must feed them, clean them, teach them to go to the bathroom, and take them to the doctor, but you cannot talk to them, count them as dependants, or make them do household chores.

2) You may say "Well dogs are loyal and affectionate. They are always happy to see me when I get home". Dogs aren't affectionate. They are happy to see you becasue they think you are going to feed them. Dogs don't have feelings. I call my dog various names such as Fatty, Fatso, Fats, Fatty Lumpkin, Fatty, McFats, Fatty McButterpants, Fat Sajak, all-beef Fatty, Chunky Nugget Head, Fat Beast, and Dummy, yet all she does is look at me and wag her tail. Why? Because she has no feelings, and because she thinks I am going to give her a piece of my ham and turkey sandwich.

3) Dogs get hair all over the place.

4) Dogs tear things up.

5) Dogs follow you around all day.

6) Dogs urinate in the house when they get excited.

7) Dogs steal your sandwich off the counter when you go the garage to get a beverage.

8) Dogs jump up on the table during dinner.

9) Dogs eat half of a Papa Johns extra large pizza that you were saving for later.

10) Dogs bark even when there is no reason.

Don't get me wrong, I still like dogs. But I think I like them when they are not in my house.

Monday, October 10, 2005


I went ahead and bought my Elizabethtown ticket via Fandango for Friday night, 7:30 at Regal. If you wanna come with me you might wanna go ahead and pick one up either on Fandango or at the theater, whichever is easier for you. I know a couple of you mentioned that you wanted to go, so I thought I would go ahead and give the heads up. Later.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Kid Are The Greatest

Well it took long enough but it seems Fall is finally here to stay. That old familiar Autumn scent has been in the air the past few days and nights, marking the arrival of the greatest time of the year. Time to bust out the hoodies, jackets and other assorted Fall paraphenalia. And as Dustin decreed tonight at dinner, the Autumn shall henceforth be known as the "Autumn of Jazz". Autumn Leaves by Miles Davis anyone? Anyone? So as we usher in this glorious season, let's look back at this week, as well as look forward to the week ahead.....

-Another solid showing by the Cats at S. Carolina. Here's an equation for you: 4 straight turnovers + being outscored 93-37 in two games + same old excuses = time for a new coach.

-Rumor has it that former UK football assistant Tony Franklin is coming out with new allegations that UK paid Tim Couch to come to UK.

-Alas, the Red Sox fell in the division series. I thought that they would win game 3, but when you have bases loaded and no outs and you can't even score one run, you might as well pack your bags.

-Finally, FINALLY able to go to Wendy's with Dustin. It's nice to be back, man.

-Song of the Week: "I Think They Like Me" by Dem Franchize Boyz

-In case you haven't heard Troy has a new plan called the "Get A Girl A Month Plan", where he will attempt to pursue a new young lady every month, heedless of caution or care. The question is, who's it gonna be this month Woody III? Who's it gonna be?

-Well I guess nows as good a time as ever to mention that Troy struck out at the softball game this week. So it is only fitting for me to say HERE'S WHAT YOU DID TROY: You got six pitches in a softball at-bat, and you didn't swing at any of them, so you struck out looking. That's what you did.

-And from there we must move on the ever-popular TROY WOODYARD "QUOTE OF THE WEEK: It's actually more of a brief phone conversation......

Troy: So what are you doin tonight?

Wes: Well I figured I'd come over to the house before the game...

Troy: OH CRAP......There's an anthill in my house!

Wes: What?

Troy: Actaully it's right on the outside of the house.

Wes: I guess that's not as bad as it being in your house.

Troy: I'm 'bout to bust out a can of Raid, you know what I'm sayin?

Wes: Yeah, you do that.

(brief silence)

Wes: So, yeah, I guess I'm coming over then.

Troy: (more silence follwed by...) I'm a stone cold killer man! I'm a stone cold killer! (I later found out he was Raiding the ants at this point)

Wes: Alright man, I'll see you later then.

-This is the conversation I had with an 8 year old kid at work:

Me: So how did your soccer game go?

Kid: Well it was good but you see I got the ball this one time and I was dribbling and I kicked it and and and it hit the post and then I got kicked in the face with the ball and then I had to go out of the game but then I came back in and then I almost scored again but this one kid kept tripping me so then I had a free kick but I missed and then I got to throw the ball in but they stole it back and then we won 1-0.

This is why I like kids. I asked him a question. He gave me an answer.

So then that was the week past. Now to look into the week ahead.....

-This is an exciting week for me, as Elizabethtown opens in theaters on Friday. You better believe that's where I will be Friday night. If anyone wishes to join me for the viewing you are welcome to do so, but let me know because I will be getting tickets on Thursday. Let's just hope my scene didn't get cut. Oh, and FYI ladies (and Andy) I will be shirtless in my scene so try to to hoot to loud. I know it's hard but try to restrain yourselves.

-Matt and I are going to the Gorge on Saturday for some Fall hiking action, so once again the invitation is extended to any who wish to go. It's gonna be tight.

-Two words: Midnight Madness.

-Two more words: UK NCAA BASKETBALL CHAMPS 2006.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Something Fun

Everyone has their funny little behaviors. Take Troy, for example, and his classic scornful and haughty blank stare after you make a statement toward him. I think thats funny. Andy, well you can say something to him, he will make direct eye contact with you, and then he will turn away without even honoring your statement. Me, I like to point at people and stare. Try it sometime, it is fun. Today I tried it on my dogs. They just kept following me around the house like a couple of idiots. So I just stared at one of them with a wide eyed look (like I just saw a ghost) and pointed at them. They got a little freaked out and ran away. "Nice work" I told myself. Frank Barone used to do it a lot, too. Maybe that is where I got my inspiration from. Good old Frank.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

No Title

Tonight's entry has no theme. It has no point. It has no direction. I just feel the need to post something. The keyboard calls me. It has been a terrible day. Nothing bad happened really, it's just that work is really starting to annoy me. I want a real job, one that actually means something. I feel pretty lousy, I have had a terrible headache all day, the throbbing kind you get right above your eyes in the sinuses. Listening to a lecture on sample distributions didn't help either. I hope this doesn't mean a sinus infection is coming, that would not be tight. I had to skip Wendy's with Dustin tonight for the third straight week. It's been our regular Wednesday night thing, we always have good laughs and meaningful discussion. And now I feel that it has been taken away from me in a way, and can never recapture it's original charm. But maybe it can, maybe I just need to learn to be more patient with difficult people (Dustin, you are not difficult. It is, well, you know...) However that was not going to happen tonight. Maybe next week, though. But tonight I was hurtin. Came home and saw the BoSox blow a 4-0 lead. Tried to numb the pain with some NCAA 06, but the computer was feeling extra tricky tonight, and I was in no mood for it's usual cheating crap. So here I am now writing about nothing because it actually feels better than doing anything else. I'm listening to some Sinatra, which is tight. I'm glad we have Fall break this Friday, it comes at a great time. No school or work for a day. That's solid.

Everyone is allowed to have a bad day occasionaly. It got me to thinking: you know, a while back (summer of 2003 in fact) I was a pretty jovial fellow almost all of the time, for various reasons. That's not saying I'm not jovial these days, I am. Just not overly jovial as I was in the past. But I was thinking back to some specific times when people got mad at me because I was not as happy as usual. Like I was there to entertain them or something. If I didn't feel like talking someone would be like "Dude what's your problem?" and I would try to explain that I just didn't feel like it but they would just look at me funny, like I wasn't allowed to be unhappy sometimes. That made me even more upset. I don't really have a point here, it's just something that I was reminded of today. I really am a happy person. Just not today. Tomorrow will be better, though. It always is. With the new dawn anything is possible. Your life can take an unexpected turn in the blink of an eye. It is cool to think about how God is in control like that, how every little thing that has ever happened in the history of mankind was known about beforehand and blends together nicely to form a 10,000 year story. So the question then is: what if even the most minor detail in history were changed? How would it have affected the rest of history? What if the Roman or Greek Empires had never collapsed? What if Leonardo Da Vinci had chosen to be a drunken idiot instead of a genius inventor? What if Columbus' boat had sunk in a storm? What if the Indians had just unloaded a dozen quivers of arrows into the Pilgrims as soon as they set foot in America instead of showing them how to plant corn? What if the American Revolution had never happened? What if the South had won the war? What if we didn't drop the A-bomb on the Japanese? Hmmmmm.....I tell you what, I'm gonna let you think about those things.

Although this post may make no sense to you, and you may be thinking " Man I just wasted 5 minutes", it did more good for me than you know. I feel better, and that's why this blog is cool. So now I bid you all a good evening, I shall retire to my quarters now. Goodnight and God bless.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


This is what I think about in class on those days when my attention fails me.....

-What would the world be like without music? Can you imagine if music did not exist? And I'm not just talking about good music. What if it had never existed at all? What a boring place this would be. We would have no concept of melody or harmony. If something sounded remotely like music we would never know because we would not know what music was. Car rides would be excruciatingly boring. What a cold, dreary place this would would be. And perhaps worst of all, there would be no Waters's Edge! What would we do with ourselves?

-Isn't it weird how certain songs remind you of certain events or certain times in your life? What causes this to happen? There are some songs that when they begin to play I am always reminded of a certain time, place, or person. I know you know what I'm talking about, don't deny it. So it got me to thinking, wouldn't it be tight to make a soundtrack for your life, where each song represented a time period of your existance? What would you put on yours? Tapp would probably put "In Da Club" at some point, right Tapp?

-Speaking of Water's Edge,Chris and I had a thought on how to mix things up a bit: add Darren as second guitarist. Then you would not only have The Edge playing for you but Slash as well. He could really put the "edge" into Water's Edge. Of course you would have to change the bands name to fit the new look. Some of my suggestions: Razor's Edge, Mach 3 Power, The MaxPower 7, Murky Water's Edge, Gun's N' U2, Muddy Puddle.

-Why is Lee Todd getting a raise and my tuition fee going up?

-Is there a "significant other" pre-ordained for everyone, or can we love anybody? This is a question I have given much thought to on more than one occasion. I think that there is truth in both explanations. I think God has a perfect mate for everyone that he intends to be married. I really do. But the question always comes up: what if you screw things up and don't marry the person you were suppsoed to? I guess that could happen. That might explain a lot of Christian divorces. I think the most important thing to know is that if you seek God concerning the matter He will take care of you and let you know what's up.

On the flip side, I can see how you can choose to love someone. People grow on you the more you spend time with them. But then again, maybe that person was the one you were supposed to marry in the first place. It is a conundrum for sure.

-Speaking of divorce, I think that the reason we have such a high divorce rate is not because of infidelity, or sin, or lack of support, or any of these physical things. I think it's because we really don't know what love is or how to do it. Now I'm no Dr. Love (yet...) or marriage counselor or anything, but I think one of the key aspects to loving someone is that you put thier interests above yours. Love is an unselfish act. I once heard a speaker talking about marriage who said that "loving someone is to be willing to die for them." Guys that means taking not just a bullet for the lady, but the entire clip and then some. Man that's some crazy stuff, but it's true. After all,marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ. He took all the pain and suffering so we wouldn't have to. Shouldn't men should do the same for their wives? I think so.

-On a lighter note, what's up with all these kids getting upset because the campus police won't let them ride their bikes on "No Bikes Allowed" pavement anymore? Thers is a reason those sidewalks exist: so I can walk without getting run over. These bike riders on campus are freakin nuts. They try to weave in and out of congested areas at 35 mph. I got hit by one my freshman year, and since then I've been out to get them. I know gas costs a lot, but seriously lets try to keep the bikes on the deignated paths. And don't get mad at the police for enforcing the laws. It's like when a drunk 19 year old gets mad because the police arrested him. The nerve of these cops......

-Seriously though, let's get the fashion police down here to bust some of these girls wearing the huge sunglasses. It's only a matter of time before I take the law into my own hands and start getting rid of the glasses myself.

-Everyday the computer finds a new way to cheat me at NCAA Footabll 06. Whether it be that he breaks 8 tackles at the same time, or catches a ball with 4 defenders around him, or he somehow manages to throw a perfect ball backwards 40 yards to a reciever while falling down, you are garuanteed to get screwed anytime you play that game. Yesterday's rediculous play of the day: QB hands off ball to RB, who runs back and to the side. I tackle RB, but has I hit him RB pithces ball straight up and backwards to WR behind him, who throws perfect pass downfield for 30 yard gain. Another example: I'm up by 5 points, 3 seconds left in the game. PC has ball at my 7 yard line. QB drops back, throws pass that is nowhere close to reciever and is headed out of endzone. Yet my safety feels the need to make an incredible play (controlled not by me, but the computer of course) where, instead of letting the ball go safely out of bounds, he jumps incredibly high and tips the ball right to the PC's reciever. I was so mad I almost punched the TV. You can't tell me this game doesn't cheat.

Monday, October 03, 2005

This Is NOT a Test

Something monumental has occured in our world today October 4th 2005. Something that will change the face of history as we know it. Something that will change our everyday lives. Something that must not go unheeded. That's right folks: Troy Woodyard has put up a new post on his blog. This is no joke, I would not joke about such matters. Check it out for yourself from the link to the right. The prodigal son has returned home. Welcome back, Troy. Welcome back.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Snowboots Are Back

The weekly run-down:

-Although they did not win the division, the Red Sox clinched the AL wild card, which makes me happy. Schilling looked very good in his start Sunday, which is encouraging. The only question now is whether or not the bullpen can get the job done.

-No UK football this weekend (thank goodness), but some good games nonetheless. Texas rolled, USC got a scare, and Bama crushed Florida. Hook 'em horns.

-UK basketball picks up a solid recruit in Derrick Jasper, the #5 point gaurd in the nation. Other big time recruits will be making their choices soon.

-I walked into class on Tuesday and smelled something funny, so I went over to the posted test score sheet where I saw that I had dismantled yet another test. I then realized that what I had been smelling was the sweet scent of grade domination.

-The big event at Richard's Sporting Goods this weekend was the visit of Rupert Boneham (picture) from Survivor. He signed autographs and posed for pics. He also told people that he was a pirate and yelled "AARRRGGH" really loud a lot.

-I guess one of Ruperts adoring fans was aware that Rupert was a pirate, because he came clad in a black bandana and an eyepatch.

-Here's a comment I heard made by one of our employees to a woman wishing to try on some shoes: "Well just from looking at your feet I can tell you're gonna need an extra wide shoe". Now I don't know a lot about women, but I don't think they want some dude telling them that they have a big foot. Ideally you wanna let them try on a regular width shoe and let them figure it out for themselves. That's just my opinion, though.

-At work on Saturday as I was walking around, I turn a corner and what do I behold? A young lady wearing a tank-top, a skirt, and those HIDEOUS snowboots. Either the snowboots are making a comeback, or this girl was late getting on the fashion train. Let us pray unceasing for the latter.

-As I was standing there watching people go by, one fool came walking in dressed with the following: these absurd looking sunglasses, nasty looking basketball shoes, overly large khaki pants, hat cocked to the side, and a UK football jersey that you buy from Kohl's. And he was white. And he tried to strut through the store like he was God's gift to women. My poser alarm went off immediately and I busted out laughing. I couldn't help myself. I even had to go into the back room to gather myself before returning to the floor.

- Andy and I were watching the end of the Indians/White Sox game Friday night, and so during commercials I was flipping through the channels like any normal guy. I came across the Lifetime Channel and it's sister station, Lifetime Movie Channel. The titles of the movies currently showing on these channels caught my eye, so I hit the info button to see what they were about. Here's what I saw:

Movie #1-When Husbands Cheat: A woman becomes a detective, then uses her skills to check her policeman husband's fidelity.

WAIT IT GETS BETTER................

Movie #2-Mother Knows Best: A woman finds a husband for her daughter, the decides he's not good enough and must be killed.

....This is why if you don't have satellite TV you should go out and get it RIGHT NOW! Look what you are missing!