Tuesday, October 11, 2005

When Criminals Come Calling, You Call RCU

The story:

-I haven't been able to see much Law & Order: SVU this season because I work on Tuesay nights, but that doesn't mean detective Stabler and his wingman Ice-T haven't been on my mind. You may recall from a previous post my idea of a new spinoff called Law & Order: RCU (Renegade Cops Unit). That dream is now coming to fruition. Here are a couple of storylines I think NBC might like.....

1) Stabler and Ice-T suspect a man of pedaphelia, so they wait outside his house till he comes out (with no arrest warrant of course), then proceed to escort him to the car to take him for a "ride". They take him to the roof of a 30 story building where they dangle hin over the edge until they get a confession from him.

2) A convicted sex offender is being accused of a particular crime to which he denies. So Stabler and Ice-T set his house on fire.

3) A serial killer who escaped the law years ago has returned and struck again. Wishing to find him before he can kill again, the DA sends out RCU to take care of business. Through various means of espionage, Stabler and Ice-T manage to catch the killer just as he is about to take the lie of his next victim. But just in time Stabler busts into the room and pistol-whips the killer in the head, knocking him to the floor. Ice-T stands over the man, staring coldly, and says "Book him", then kicks him in the ribs.

4) Ice-T interrogates a suspect who refuses to confess. Ice-T can't get him to admit, so he says "Maybe my bat will make you talk fool", after which stabler enters the room with a Louisville Slugger in hand and proceeds to break his kneecaps.

-The worst thing you can do as a restaraunt is to take away free refills. Make me pay for a refill and I will never purchase anything from that establishment again.

-If you ever want to make me mad, here's a good way: stop your car for no reason in the middle of an on-ramp. This happened to me this morning.

- Superb article in today's Herald-Leader by none other than the fabulous Mark Story. Here is the link if you are interested: http://www.kentucky.com/mld/kentucky/sports/columnists/mark_story/12870757.htm

-One of these days, Mark Story is going to sneak into Merlene Davis's office late and night and steal her computer and printer, thus barring her from publishing any more crappy journalism. Then Merlene will call Mark a racist and say that white people don't want black people to have freedom of speech. Or computers.

- Got my first fantasy football win yestersay behind strong showings from Tom Brady, Terry Glen, and the Buffalo defense.

-Although the Red Sox are no longer in contention for the World Series, it eases my pain to know that the Yankess are out too.

- This may upset you, but I have come to realize that dogs are over-rated. I always thought I would get a dog later in life. A little weiner dog named Frodo. But I have decided to delay this for a very long time. Here's why:

1) Dogs are like children minus all of the good things about children: you must feed them, clean them, teach them to go to the bathroom, and take them to the doctor, but you cannot talk to them, count them as dependants, or make them do household chores.

2) You may say "Well dogs are loyal and affectionate. They are always happy to see me when I get home". Dogs aren't affectionate. They are happy to see you becasue they think you are going to feed them. Dogs don't have feelings. I call my dog various names such as Fatty, Fatso, Fats, Fatty Lumpkin, Fatty, McFats, Fatty McButterpants, Fat Sajak, all-beef Fatty, Chunky Nugget Head, Fat Beast, and Dummy, yet all she does is look at me and wag her tail. Why? Because she has no feelings, and because she thinks I am going to give her a piece of my ham and turkey sandwich.

3) Dogs get hair all over the place.

4) Dogs tear things up.

5) Dogs follow you around all day.

6) Dogs urinate in the house when they get excited.

7) Dogs steal your sandwich off the counter when you go the garage to get a beverage.

8) Dogs jump up on the table during dinner.

9) Dogs eat half of a Papa Johns extra large pizza that you were saving for later.

10) Dogs bark even when there is no reason.

Don't get me wrong, I still like dogs. But I think I like them when they are not in my house.


posted by Wes @ 12:38 PM

6 Comments:

At 10/11/2005 03:25:00 PM, Blogger dc said...

Here are the TV Guide Reviews for your first four episodes of RCU!

Episode 1.
Critics want to know, what's so bad about being suspected of being from Philadelphia? Residents of the city are boycotting the new Law & Order: RCU.

Episode 2.
Pornography.

Episode 3.
Cheerios, Smacks, and Honey Bunches of Oats all pull corporate sponsorship and support for the new Law & Order: RCU after an episode they believed painted cereal and those who love it in a negative light.

Episode 4.
Creators of the Soprano's are suing the new Law & Order: RCU for stealing story lines after involving broken kneecaps and a Louisville Slugger. Members of the Gambino Criminal Organization are breaking the kneecaps of the creator's of both television shows for stealing their lives.

Stay tuned for more reviews!

 
At 10/11/2005 10:37:00 PM, Blogger Wes said...

I am also reminded of the film "Man On Fire" where the mighty Denzel Washington ties a guy up in his own car, cuts off his finger in order to get him to talk, then puts the car in drive, sending the car and the fingerless guy off a cliff, crashing and burning below. I think that would make some good TV as well, cause you know Stbler has it in him.

 
At 10/12/2005 01:17:00 PM, Blogger JTapp said...

What happened to Stabler last night? The previews said he was going "over the edge." SVU is after my bedtime. I laughed pretty loud at The Office though.

I like those SVU episodes where Ice-T kind of looks like he's in a fog, like he doesn't really know what's going on. I think that's more true to real life.

 
At 10/13/2005 03:38:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your sexy red head turns me on...come and get me...

 
At 10/13/2005 10:39:00 AM, Blogger Wes said...

It's actually strawberry blonde

 
At 11/01/2008 06:58:00 AM, Blogger Andy said...

Extremely enjoy this show as always. The actors have a great chemistry together already. Reid is my favorite. He makes you laugh when he really is meanting too. He give the crew the most character I think. Bask all eps Watch Criminals Mind Free here...

 

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