Tuesday, May 30, 2006

On Air Freshners

Let's talk about Glade Scented Oils for a second. Are you familiar with Glade Plug-Ins, the air freshners that you plug in and they continually freshen the air? Well, Glade Scented Oils are virtually the same thing, except that they are better because they burn oil. They create an aura of olfactory goodness in any room you choose to plug them into. One particular scent, "Refreshing Spa", is my absolute favorite smell of all time, and let me tell you every time I walk into my room and smell it, it puts me in a good mood. Now that is a powerful air freshner.

If you don't already have Glade Scented Oils in your home, go out right now and buy it right this minute. And make sure you try the "Refreshing Spa" scent. And throw away your old inferior air freshner because I promise you will never go back.

So that's all I really have to say about that.

Friday, May 26, 2006

On My First Birthday

OK so last month I forgot to tell you that Cooperstown just celebrated it's very first birthday. Yes, it's been a whole year since I started a blog one night at Chris and Dustin's house for no reason at all. Who would have thought that it would have lasted this long? We've seen a lot of bloggers come and go, then come back, then go again, then come back again, then go again, but Cooperstown has not moved.

So in honor of Cooperstowns first birthday, I thought we could look back at previous posts. I want to know what your favorites were. Was it the one where I called out the dude at work who kept flirting with a girl by cursing at her? Was it the one where I talked about all of my nicknames? Was it the one where I reminisced about the summer of 2003?

I want your opinion here. Go back to the archives and check them out again if you need to. When all the feedback is in, we shall declare a "Best Post Of All Time".

Also, what is your favorite segment that I have done in the past? Is it "Here's What You Did"? Is it "Hey, remember when....."? Or is it "The Troy Woodyard Quote of the Week"? Again, give it some thought, and we shall declare a "Best Segment Of All Time".

Yet as much success as this blog has seen in the past year, we must also look to the future. We need new ideas, and therefore we need new segments. Of course we can keep the old segments, but if this relationship is going to work me need novelty and spontaneity. Here are a few ideas that I came up with:

-Stalker of the Month: This would be where I would pick out one of my blog stalkers and give them with the prestigious "Stalker of the Month" award. However, I should warn you that every month I am going to give the award to Sarah Foster. The other night I was just hanging out at the house and someone kept calling me and hanging up. I think it was Sarah. I think I might have to get the cops involved. Can you say restraining order?

-"Stupid Thing My Dog Did" of the Week: This weeks installment: my dog runs away only to be found sniffing flowers in my parents back yard.

-Andy Henard: Professional Joke Killer: This is where I post a joke, and then people keep the joke going for a while via comments, and then we all get to watch in awe as Andy comes in a kills the joke single-handedly with one quick stroke of the keyboard.

-Porter Phenomena: We already discussed why it is that we can't ever decide to where to eat after church. But there are other phenomena that must be addressed. For example, why is it that, after Darren lays down a filthy guitar solo on sunday morning, the first three rows feel the need to look back at me and point? Even people in the choir are starting to do it, it's getting out of control.

Got an idea for the blog? Let me know, I will always give your idea serious consideration.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

On Some Lyrics

These lyrics come from a new CD I got by a California band named Helen Stellar. I really like this band, partially becuse they write stuff like this....

There's more to life than death
moonlight in every breath
and love is ocean deep

There are stars that you can't see
stars I swear we'll reach
You need me to lead
I need you to believe

I don't know why but I really like those words. Maybe it's the imagery of it all.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

On the Supreme Mandate

About 4 years ago, after my freshman year of college, I owned a Red Jeep Cherokee. It was a good car, but it was nearly 12 years old at the time, and it's best years were behind it. Also at this time, I was giving Jason Lamb a lot of rides because he didn't have his driver's license. These were good times. But like I said, my Jeep had seen better days, and it was time for me to get a new vehicle. So at that time I bought what I currently drive now, a 1999 green Honda Civic.

Upon acquiring this vehicle, I felt the need to establish a set of rules that would protect my car, it's driver and it's passengers at all times. A "code of conduct", if you will. Since Jason rode in the car with me more than anyone at that time, I asked him to help me develop this mandate that would govern all behavior in my car. This mandate came to be known as "Wes and Jason's Supreme Mandate of Civic Behavior".

This mandate applies to all who ride in my car. Most people have complied with these regulations over the years. However, rules are forgotten over time and I feel the need to reiterate said mandate (with a few amendments).....


Article I. Jason Lamb shall ride in the front seat at ALL times, except when Article II is in effect. Article may also be known as Title IX.

Article II. Any lady in the car shall be given exclusive rights to ride in the front seat.
Section I. If there are two or more ladies present in the car at one time (and this happens frequently), those two ladies will work out a mutual agreement as to who shall ride in the front seat. If an agreement cannot be reached, then I, Wes, shall appoint a front seat rider in a fashion that I deem fair to all parties.
Section II. Any lady riding in the car holds the right to give up her front seat status. Should a lady benevolently give up her front seat rights, those rights would be passed on the other ladies in the car. If there are no more ladies in the car, then the person who calls "shotgun" fastest will be granted front seat status.

Article III. You shall not leave any trash (i.e. paper waste, food crumbs, soda cans, etc.) in the Civic at ANY time.
Section I. It is permissible that you bring food and beverage into the Civic, however that food or beverage must be approved by Wes.
Section II. If he so desires, Wes may "D Bo" any part of that food or beverage brought into his Civic. Consider it a "tariff" of sorts.

Article IV. You shall not leave your personal belongings in the Civic for an extended period of time.
Section I. Any personal belonging left in the Civic for more than 5 days shall be thrown out. Owners of these items will be given one notice of their left-behind belongings, but after that it is their responsibility to retrieve them.

Article V. You shall not adjust the stereo without Wes's consent.

Section I. If you do not like the music that is currently playing on the radio or in the CD player, you may kindly request Wes that he change the station or put a new CD in. However, he does not necessarily have to comply with your request, even though most times he will.
Section II. Anyone who says "This music sucks" and then proceeds to adjust the radio or CD player will immediately be kicked out of the car at the next stoplight.
Section III. You may bring your own music into the car if you wish, however it must be approved by Wes first.

Article VI. You shall not prank the Civic for ANY reason.
Section I. Any person who pranks the Civic shall suffer SEVERE consequences. Should you prank the Civic, you will not only have evoked my wrath but the wrath of the rest of the Porter Alliance, a large group of Porter men who will not tolerate their vehicles being pranked. Wes and Jason strongly suggest that you heed this warning. If a person pranks ANY car within the Alliance, the Alliance WILL find out who it is, and they WILL retaliate at some point in the future. The Alliance does not initiate anything, they only retaliate.

Article VII. There shall be no discussion of Facebook in the Civic unless it is approved by Wes first.
Section I. First-time offenders will be granted a warning. Second-time offenders will have their mouths taped shut for the remainder of the trip.

Article VIII. There shall be no telling Wes how to drive.

Section I. Trust that your driver will get you where your destination. If Wes wants advice on the quickest route to a destination, he will ask for it.

Article IX. There shall be no taking of loose change from the Civic.

Section I. If you need some change, ask and I will most likely give it to you. Don't just take it.

Article X. If Jason is in the car while you are driving, you shall address him as "My Liege".


Monday, May 15, 2006

On Nate's Call For Cross-Blogging

Ok, so I have to admit that I don't really know what "cross-blogging" is, but upon reading Nate C.'s last post about possible cross-blogging topics I found one that was of particular interest to me: cornhole. For those who don't know, cornhole is a popular game on college campuses these days, especially at fraternity houses. I, however, refuse to take part in such a unentertaining an unstimulating activity.

So here's what you do when you play cornhole. You have a couple of wooden boxes with holes in them place about 20 feet apart. You have two teams. Each team tries to throw a set number of beanbags into the holes in the opposite box. You also get points for having beanbags sitting on the box, so you can try to knock your opponents beanbags off. That's about the extent of it.

Does this game sound familiar? It should, you probably played at your elementary school carnival when you were 8 years old, right after you placed 3rd in the musical chairs cakewalk. (By the way, I won the cakewalk one year and I was given a carrotcake as a reward.....what right-minded child wants a carrotcake as a prize?). Or perhaps you won your girlfriend a stuffed animal once by playing it at an amusement park. HERE'S WHAT YOU DID CORNHOLE: You took the popular carnival game "beanbag toss" and made it a team game. Then you named it Cornhole. That's what you did.

Let me propose a better solution to those of you seeking cheap summer entertainment. A few years ago I was throwing the tennis ball at the La-z-Boy in my living room because I was bored. Well one time I threw the ball and it got stuck in one of the many crevices that this particular recliner had. It got me to thinking......"I could make this a game". So I went to my right-hand man, Andy J. Henard, in the room next to me and showed him my new discovery. Needless to say, Andy was sold on his first throw of the ball into the chair. Thus was born our new creation, La-z-Ball.

It started off simple: we would throw at the chair from inside the living room only. Then we started to test our skills a little more by moving outside. We began to throw from the foyer. Propping the front door open, we would throw from the front porch. Then from the front yard. And then from the sidewalk. No one could conquer the sidewalk, so that was as far as we got.

Later we added a points system to the game: certain crevices in the chair were worth varying amounts of points. We began to include others into our fun. We even took the chair out in the back yard for an entirely new experience. That, my friends, was the Golden Age of La-z-Ball.

Bottom Line: La-z-Ball is infinitely better than Cornhole. Now if you enjoy Cornhole, by all means go ahead and keep playing it. I don't want to stop you from having fun. But remember that you are playing a game that is really a lie....there may be a hole involved, but there is no corn. Is this the kind of game that you want your children playing, a game that is lying to them, promising things that it can't deliver? La-z-Ball delivers on it's promise: you get a La-z-Boy, and you get a ball. It's that simple.

So next Christmas, don't buy your kids that bicycle or XBox 360. Don't buy your wife those diamond earrings. Don't buy your dad that DVD player. Buy them what they really want: a La-z-boy and 3-pack of tennis balls. And after you and your family have finished playing a round of La-z-Ball, you can relax in your nice La-z-Boy recliner. Now that's the gift that keeps on giving.

Friday, May 12, 2006

On Pam and Jim Kissing

Kristy B. asks what I thought about the season finale of The Office last night:

2006 may go down as the most drama-filled year for NBC shows. Capping it off last night was the season finale of The Office, where Jim confesses to Pam that he is in love with her, but she says she is sorry and that "she can't", and that she is sorry that she caused Jim to "misinterpret their friendship". The next scene then cuts to Pam at home talking to her mother on the phone 10 minutes later, and as she hangs up, Jim appears, and then they smooch. And then the season ends!!!!

I'm happy Jim got his feelings out in the open, but how can NBC end the season on that note? I can't wait all summer to see what happens! What did the kiss mean? Is Pam going to break off her engagement to that chump? Are we going to find out what happened after they kissed? HOW IN THE HECK COULD PAM ACT TOWARD JIM THE WAY SHE DID AND THEN ACCUSE HIM OF MISINTERPRETING THEIR FRIENDSHIP?!?!?!? That's just rediculous.

My heart goes out to poor Jim. And now he is considering transferring to another branch, but won't know for sure till next season. It's going to be a long summer.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

On What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

So a lot of people have been asking me lately about my college studies and my plans after college. I guess it's because school just let out and that kind of stuff is on people's minds. Maybe some people are just genuinely interested in my future. But when someone asks me what I want to do after I graduate, I tell them I'm not really sure. I tell them I plan to work some, then probably go to grad school. Sometimes I feel like that is a loaded question, because the answer to that question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" has changed so much over the years.

My first memory of actually considering my future career came at a young age, probably 7 or so. My mom asked me in the car what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a baseball player. My mom, however, told me that the odds of me becoming a pro baseball player were pretty slim and that I should probably consider something else. Ouch. So that dream died pretty quick. She recommended that I be an air-traffic controller. Why? I have no idea. But for a good while I thought that hat seemed like a good option for me. But then I was told that if you make one mistake you could cause a plane to crash. I didn't want that kind of pressure on me. So that dream died too.

Then I moved into the phase where I thought I would be a doctor. It seemed like a cool job and it paid well. This lasted up until middle school, when I met a man (who shall remain nameless) who was currently in med school. He told me about all the extra education I would need, then I heard all about how when he was on call he had to frequently get up in the middle of the night to go to the hospital to treat patients in the ER. Then he told me that I shouldn't base my career decisions on his med school/residency experiences, but by that time it was too late. I was pretty turned off at the idea of having to participate in surgeries, late-night shifts, and re-attaching dismembered limbs that people lost while trying to jump on trains. So that dream died.

Then came the idea of being an architect. This was my high school aspiration up until junior year, when I took an architectural drafting class. It was fun at first, but after a while it was incredibly boring. I could never have a career where I stared a at computer screen all day, I would go crazy. So, regrettably, that dream died along with the others.

Then came senior year where I did several internships with various teachers across the city. Working with kids was a lot of fun, and I thought that teaching might be the way to go for me. But teachers are not paid too much; not that money is the most important thing in life, but I wanted to make enough to support a family later on down the road. So that idea got the boot as well.

College arrived, and I declared as a kinesiology major. I wanted to do something along the lines of athletic training. I liked sports, I liked exercise, so you would think that this would be a good field for me. Wrong. I soon found myself sick of hearing people in class talking about how they worked out 27 times a week. I didn't want to hear about that the rest of my life. So that dream ended quickly.

Then I sat down and thought about this whole thing. I asked myself "What am I interested in?". People. Then I asked myself "What classes have I enjoyed most in college?". The answer: psychology. I had already taken a bunch of them and had enjoyed them all. So I thought about it and decided that that was where I belonged. A new dream was begun.

So now here I am, a year away from graduating, and I still don't really know what career I will pursue. But I do know what I am interested in. I want to know what makes people do what they do, act the way they act, say what they say, think they way they think. Why do some of us feel the need for attention but some of us don't? What makes people shy? Why do people feel the need to justify getting on Facebook by saying things like "I was bored the other day, so I got on Facebook....."? (It's really not that big of a deal, guys and girls. Everyone does it, there is nothing to be ashamed of.) I want a career that deals with human thought, human interaction, human behavior. So psychology is a great fit for me.

So the next question is "What area of psychology do you plan on studying?" Another valid question, but with a simpler answer: go wherever the money is. Do something that you enjoy, but go where the money is. So that's what I am going to do.

It's funny how things changed over time: my interests, my priorities, my opinions. But it all worked out in the end. I still don't know for sure "what I am going to be when I grow up", even though in many ways I am already grown up. I'm looking at a possible pyschology career in the business world (that's where the money is), but that could change, you never know. My friend is heading out to California soon to pursue his film directing career, so as soon as he makes it big he is gonna hook me up with a sweet acting job. And if things keep going well with the softball team, I may just drop out of school and pursue my original dream of being a pro baseball player. I'm pretty sure mom was wrong about that whole idea, I could have been the next Ted Williams.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Make It A Good One

No school. Sitting around. Hangin out. Hawaiian Shaved Ices. Freeze pops.Sitting up on the roof. Time. Ice cream. The Gorge. The beach. Boredom. Ultimate frisbee. Randomness. Vacation. The sun. Cedar Point. The Mighty MilFo. Grills. Cookouts. Guitars. Late nights. Sleeping in. Concerts. Shakespeare in the Park. Thunderstorms. Mulching. Fireworks. Long walks. Romance. Shorts. Sandals. Sunscreen. Sandwiches. Baseball. World Cup. Friends. Driving with the windows down. Sunglasses. Movies. Fusball. More blogging time. More blogging material. Laziness. Playoffs. Tree-climbing. Star-gazing. Firebrook fountain. Fireflies. Warm nights. Jazz. Miles Davis.Birthdays. Bible studies. Irony. Musing. Pranks. Change. Growth. Expression. Road trips. Work. Conversation. Decks and patios. Plans. People. Pools. Softball. Volleyball. Downtown. Dancing. Long-lost friends. Drama. Anticipation. Video games. Acting like a kid again. TV. Excercise. Bare feet. Moving. New experiences. Raquetball. Phonecalls. Fun. Tears. Frustration. Heartbreak. Surprises. Playfulness. Imagination. Josh Groban. Haircuts. Card games. IPods. Winning. Losing. Giving. Taking. Joy. Anger. Going too fast. Taking it slow. Making. Breaking. Grabbing on. Letting go. Falling back. Moving forward. Love. Hate. The new. The old. The good. The bad. The ugly. Falling down. Getting up. Being open. Being closed. Sinking. Swimming. More. Less. Birth. Death. Being loud. Being silent. Laughing. Crying. Knowing. Forgetting. Learning..........

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

On Danica's Demise

Well I'm at work today watching Cold Pizza on ESPN2, a show that I genuinely enjoy on a fairly regular basis. One of today's guests was female Indy Car driver Danica Patrick. As you may know, 24-year old Danica is one of only a few women who have raced in the Indy 500, and she is the only one who can say that she led for at least 1 lap (she led 19 to be exact).

While I know nothing about racing (nor do I really care), I was about to tune out the conversation when suddenly something caught my attention. Apparently Mrs. Patrick has her own book out now where she discusses her rise to stardom, what it's like being a woman in a "man's sport", etc. Writer's apparently showed interest in Danica soon after last year's race, and desired to help her write this "autobiography".

While I have no problems with Danica Patrick the person, I do have problems with this whole book ordeal. She hasn't accomplished anything worthy of a book deal. I mean she raced well at Indy last year, but she didn't win. She hasn't won anything, as a matter of fact. And she is not the first woman to race at Indy; there have been others before her.

Her career has just started; so why does a 24 year-old race car driver get a book deal? I'll tell you why: because she is an attractive woman. Let's just be honest here...would she be getting all this attention had it not been for her looks? I doubt it. I'm not trying to take away from her talent, but her looks, not her driving, have made her successful so far in her young career.

Remember a few years ago when a young girl named Sarah Fischer raced at the Indy 500? It was a "big deal", but all the buzz dies away after the race. Why? She just wasn't as attractive as Danica Patrick. Indy was only the beginning for Danica. Next came TV commericals for motor oil, photo shoots for magazines, countless TV appearances, and now a book deal.

I've written about this topic before, but I felt the need to address it again. Like I said, I have nothing against Danica. My only beef is with the media's exploitation of people (specifically those considered attractive by the general public) just to make a buck. During the interview, even Danica herself questioned why she had a book, saying something to the effect of "I don't really know why they wanted to write about my life. I guess they see something interesting about my life that I don't know about. But I guess now I can say I'm an author". You're right Danica, they do see something. They see $$$$$$.

My point here is this: is it really that big of a deal that she has an autobiography at age 24? Not really. But think about this: even some of the most prominent people in American history didn't write books until much later in life. Bill Clinton. Malcolm X. Martin Luther King Jr. Has Danica really accomplished what these people have? No, she led 19 laps at the Indy 500.

My greatest fear is that overexposure will catch up to her. I would like to see her succeed as a racer, I think that would be fantastic. But the media can wear you down and hinder your career. It would be a shame if that happened to such a promising and talented young person as Danica Patrick.

Monday, May 01, 2006

I have a final exam in 45 minutes

So..........I have a final in 45 minutes. Shouldn't I be studying? Probably. But I feel ready for it. It is my French final. I've got a good feeling about it. I did my jazz presentation earlier today and let me say that it was flawless. I must admit that I was a bit worried that my group members would let me down but they came through for me. For us, I mean. It was a group effort, it's not all about me.

So........I'm missing the Yanks/Red Sox game tonight because of this final. I'm missing Johnny Damon being booed. Not cool, I wanted to join in with the booing. Good news: Tim Wakefield got his old knuckelball catcher back. No more crucial errors by Josh Bard.

So........how bout this weather? Nice huh?

So.......I applied for a job working in a law office this summer. Know what I put on my resume? "I watch a lot of Law & Order: SVU, so I have a pretty good knowledge of how the legal system works." Ok, so I didn't really put that on my resume. But it's still true........

So.....tomorrow night's episode of Scrubs could be huge!!! Is Dr. Cox really gone????? What will I do without him???? YOU ARE KILLING ME NBC. STOP KICKING MY HEART AROUND! First, you break up Stabler and Benson on SVU, and now you want to get rid of Dr. Cox???? It's too much drama for me.

So......I gotta go take that final now. Au revoir mes amis, j'espere que je vais prendre un "A" sur mon examen finale.