Friday, September 30, 2005

Career Choices and Hairstyles

Let's look at our first questions for the new segment "Coops Fixes Your Problems"......

-Dear Cooperstown,

I used to think I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but it looks like welfare reform is going to kick in. Therefore, I was wondering what your thoughts were on what I should do when I grow up.

-Wanton in Winchester.

-Dear Josh (you gave your identity way when you logged in),

This is my advice to you. I have known you for a couple of years, now, and I must say that I love to hear your opinions on things, as well as the stories you have to tell. Therefore, the way I see it, you have three career options before you: 1) You could be a professional storyteller, if such a thing exists. 2) You could be a political debater on CNN or FoxNews, where your opinions would spread quickly 3) You could host your own talk show. My vote is for option #3, cause then I could be a guest on your show. Best of luck in this all important decision.

-Dear Cooperstown,

What new hairstyle should I go with? I'm getting kinda bored with the lamer just-got-outta-bed look, and I completely wore out the afro, and a mullet just wouldn't stand out when I'm back home in Laurel County, and I don't wanna jump on the new mohawk bandwagon. Oh, and I refuse to shave my head, because it's getting closer to winter, plus that's been way overdone as well. What's left? There's gotta be something out there that's a fit for me. Please help, Cooperstown!

-John Askew

Dear John,

Although I like your hair just the way it is, I do have some suggestions for you if you so desire. First, I would recommend the "broccoli sprouts" hairstyle, I think you have the locks and the attitude to pull this off. Secondly, I would recommend the John Cooper (lead singer of Skillet, we're not related) haircut of the late 90's. It as kind of a Link form Zelda of old look, I almost got it done when I was a freshman in high school. Thirdly, I would recommend the Wes Cooper "Let it run wild" haircut of my junior year of college, where you let your hair run its course and see how it turns out. I ended up with these cool little curly wings on the side and back. This method is a bit risky, cause you don't know how it will turn out. In your best interest, though, you might want to consult your girlfriend, since you all seem pretty serious. I don't know how she feels about your hair, but if you take my advice and she gets mad, I don't want any blood on my hands.

Keep those questions coming.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Dear Cooperstown....

A while ago we intoduced a new segment here called "Coops Tells You What You Did", where we take a certain scenario where someone has done something stupid, and we further ridicule them for it. It has been a tremendous success, and it will continue here as long as is needed. But in the interest of keeping things fresh, I have decided to introduce a new segment entitled "Coops Fixes Your Problems". Here's what's gonna happen: you the reader will write me your problems, whether it be via this blog, e-mail, or any other form of communication. After giving it some thought I will attempt to provide a reasonable solution to your troubles.

You can ask anything you want. Why can't I keep a job? Why can't I dominate the grades? Why don't I have a girlfriend? Why do I always seem to be the one who kills the two-out rallies at softball games? I know a lot of you have problems such as these, and you have been searching for the answers for all your life. Well now your gonna find them.

Let me note here that stupid questions will go unanswered. If you say something like "Hey Wes, my boyfriend cheated on me 12 times with my best friend, even after I caught him the first time and he promised never to do it again. What should I do?" Hmmm, I'm not sure, that's a tough one....

The bottom line here is that you have to help me to help you. The first step to fixing your problems is to recognize that you have one. The next step is to let me know about it. It's as simple as that. The name of the game is self-actualization, people. So step up to the plate and take a swing.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The History Of Cooperstown

Behind every blog is a motive and a story. Whether it be that the writer is just trying to get something off their chest, trying to impress people, or just trying to intitiate friendly conversation, it all has to start somewhere. So, then, why did I establish Cooperstown WorldWide? That is a question that I have often asked myself. One day I found out that there was a blogging community out there to which many of the people I knew belonged, and that it was free of charge to participate. I saw how easy it was, and so began my own blog. Hence, Cooperstown was born.

But there is more to the story. Looking back, I think that I have needed a blog for a long time, but have just not realized it. It is almost like a diary or journal, but not nearly as girly. And it is easier to read than my handwriting. It is something that I enjoy, and that realization has come as a surprise to me. I always hated English class all through my years of education. So then, why the blog?

To get that answer I had to delve back deep into the annals of my English educational history, past English 105 my fresman year, past high school English class, even past middle school when it was called Language Arts. I had to go all the way back to elementary school, to my primary days at Clays Mill Elementary, and and secondary days at Garden Springs Elementary. Thinking back, it was hard to recall the things that I had written about, and the feelings I had towards what I wrote. One particular thing stuck out in my mind: writing portfolio. I dreaded the writing portfolio. I loathed the writing portfolio. I had to write like 7 different pieces in set forms and styles about pre-selected topics, all for a grade that meant absolutely nothing in the long run for me. Immediately, I was turned off to English class.

Then came middle school, when we decided that it was more appropriate to term English class as "Language Arts". I once again suffered through yet another portfolio in the three years I spent at fabulous Beaumont Middle School (that's sarcasm, if you didn't catch that). This time, however, we were allowed to "choose" what we could write about, yet there were still strict guidelines as to what I could write and how I could write it. I could never write in the way I wanted to, because, apparently, that's not how the real world works. In the real world, all papers have an attention-catching first statement, a thesis statement, an introduction, a body, adequate use of transitions, and a summating conclusion. Do I sound like I have been brainwashed? Middle school turned us all into literary drones and subdued all creativity, unless of course it fit into the above format. There is one problem: you can't format creativity.

Then came high school. The English deaprtment at Paul Laurence Dunbar High School was interesting. It was easier for me to reflect on this period of my history because it was more recent, and I still had some of the stuff I wrote. Creativity was encouraged, but still harnessed. Teachers always talked of making your writing have a "voice". But if that voice wasn't the voice they wanted you to have, then you were out of luck.

Each year of high school English came with different writing goals and expectations. Freshman year we concentrated a lot onon structure, and applying those principles to your writing. I remember I wrote this story about a kid who found himself in a place where all the basic food groups were at war with each other, only to wake up and find that it was all a dream. It was a great story, but I got a C because it wasn't "right". Sophomore year I was taught all about essays and poetry, all by a very effeminate and very flaming English teacher. One day we were all in the counsleors office doing our scheduling, when out of the blue my teacher told me that I looked a lot older than I did at the beginning of the year. Needless to say, I scooted away to another seat. But I digress. Poetry was great and all, but somehow we managed to put fetters on the most freeform of all writing. And essays, well, essays will be essays. Junior year was better. I wrote a short story about a guy who stalked three friends on a camping trip. My teacher loved the story and gave me an "A". Finally, I thought that I was free to write what I wanted, no strings attached. The came Senior year, and another portfolio. By this time in my life I didn't give a rip about a stupid portfolio. I was so sick of writing crap that I just threw together some stuff and called it a portfolio. I thought it was garbage, but apparently the portfolio reviewers deemed it worthy of proficient. One interesting thing about this portfolio was that you could use past works. The pieces where I followed the rules all got distinguished, but the pieces like my short story were all labled as apprectice-level. It all averaged out to a proficient grade, which had no meaning to me except that I could skip out of some finals.

Finally we come to English 105 here at UK which I took as a freshman. I used all that I had learned in my previous years of literary education to churn out some fabulous essays. Yet I got a "C" in the class. I did everything I was supposed to, followed all the rules, and made everything fit into the guidelines. Needless to say, I was pretty irate, as well as confused. It was then that I had an epiphany, so to speak. All this time I had thought I had hated writing, when the reality was that I actaully loved writing but hated the restrictions, rules, and regualtions that I had to always consider when writing. That's why I hated English class; it wasn't the writing, but the structure of it all.

So no we have this blog. I can write whatever I want with no boundaries. And it could not have come at a better time. Someone who reads my blog recently told me that they thought it was God's will that I change to a journalism major. I have to admit, it would be fun, and I would enjoy it , I think. But I don't want to go back to restricted writing. And let's even suppose that I got good enough to get my own newspaper column, there would still be rules to follow, although I think I could deal with it. Who knows, maybe one day I will show up at my local newspaper and say "Here's some of my work, now give me a job." I guess we shall see.

But for now, this blog willl suffice. I have a good number of readers according to my hit counter (that is unless Dave Blake is being a jerk and keeps refreshing the page to run up the number). I don't write this blog just to be heard. I write is because it is an opportunity I have never really had before. I don't write to impress people. I don't write to sound smart. I don't write to make friends. I don't write to pick up chicks (ok, maybe a little bit). There is no hidden agenda here. I write for you. I write for me. I write for all of us. And if you enjoy it, well I am very happy that you do. If you don't, then that's cool too. Anyway, I am supposed to be studying for a test right now, so I should probably go take care of that. Alors, il faut que je m'en aille. A tout a l'heure, mes bons amis......

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Fool In The Rain

As I was driving home tonight on the Bluegrass Parkway, Fool In The Rain by Led Zeppelin, one of my favorite songs, came on the radio. I always get excited when it comes on because it is never played much, for whatever reason. As the song began to play, the remnants of Hurricane Rita began to smack my windshield. I thought to myself "Man, that's pretty weird". Then I rolled down the window and stuck my hand out. It is strange to feel rain pelt your hand while going 70 mph. Then I began to think "You know, I like rain."

This wasn't a new revelation for me, I was just reminded of the fact. Rain is one of those things that is easy to forget about or take for granted. So I began to think back to all the fun times I have had in the rain. I thought back to playing in the rain as a kid. I thought back to taking long runs in the rain. It is fun, I recomend it to anyone. I thought of all the soccer games I played in the rain. You could always slide tackle someone from 10 yards away if you timed it right. I thought of the 2003 UK/UL football game where it poured for an eternity, soaking the crowd. I thought back to my days in high school when I worked at the grocery store. During the summer, when it would thunderstorm, most employees would not go outside to retrieve shopping carts from the lot. But me and this other guy used to always go out during the storm and get them, simply for the fun. I thought back to last year when I got soaked while walking to class.

Rain really gets a bad wrap. I personally like it, especially thunderstorms. So with all that said, let's review the week......

-Better start with UK/UF. Florida THRASHED Kentucky, and while we were pretty much outmatched in this game, there's no excuse for letting ANY team score 49 points in a half. Even Hal Mumme's defenses weren't that bad. Once again, I call for a regime change.

-On the other hand, UL got SMASHED by the USF Bulls. I was actually planning on pulling for UL this season until they all started running their mouths about how they would run the table in the Big East and go undefeated and deserve a spot in the National Championship game. But now I think it's hilarious that they got beat by USF. What lesson do we learn from this? NEVER underestimate the USF Bulls, as was taught to Troy and I last year on NCAA '05 (right Troy?)

-Teams I will instead be pulling for this year: Texas, Wake Forest, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Virgina Tech.

-Tonights season premier of Crossing Jordan was interesting. Woody put the smack down on Jordan. Last season he was all like "I really like you. Let's hook-up", but she was all like "I really like you too but I think we should just be friends", so then Woody was like "All right, whatever girl" and then Woody got shot and almost died and Jordan was like "Oh Woody, I love you so much" and Woody was all like "Get out of my face fool." Tonight's episode took place 8 weeks after Woody was shot, and Jordan was all like "Woody, why haven't you called me since you got shot, you jerk!!" and Woody was all like "I'm so over you Jordan, so step off" And Jordan was all like "My life is falling apart without Woody around!!!" DRAMA!!!!!!!

-Skipped out of work early to play in the softball game this week and all I got was a big bruise on my wrist.

-There is always the person who, right before a test begins, asks "When can we see our test scores?" This kind of upsets me when people do this. It reminds me of my mother, who has been in school since I was in the third grade. You know that person who always sits down front and raises their hand to ask questions right when it is time for class to dismiss? That's Mindy Cooper. Anyway, after someone asked this question before a test this week, the girl next to me says to me "Why does everybody have to see their test scores like as soon as possible? I mean, is is too big of a deal to wait untill next class period?" All I could think was "Be still, my heart...."

-By the way, I DOMINATED the aforementioned exam.

-Drunk Guy At Football Game Quote of the Week: (as he is being escorted out by friends) "Hey everyone, look at me! LOOK AT ME!!! HA HA HA HA!

-Drunk Girl At Football Game Quote of the Week: (on phone with friend) I have been drunk since 12 o'clock!!! It's AWESOME!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!

-Troy Woodyard Quote of the Week #1: I walk into Troy's house and see that he has all his guitar equipment out in his living room. He looks at me and says "This is where the magic happens."

-Troy Woodyard Quote of the Week #2: Out of nowhere, says to Lucy " you know about the corndog?"

Thursday, September 22, 2005

One Ring To Rule Them All.....

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day in which we were discussing why life in general is not what it was, say, 2 or 3 years ago. I gave it a lot of thought as to what might have changed over the past few years, and I think I have finally discovered what it is that is missing, and why life has lost it's "shine", so to speak. My theory: we don't have any more Lord of the Rings movies to look forward to. Think about it for a second. Shortly after Return of the King, things started to change. You could feel it in the water. You can feel it in the earth. You can smell it in the air. So I thought, why not try to bring that aura of excitement back? Of course we could just read the books or watch the movies, but I thought of something better, something different. I'm all about mixing things up. I put a lot of thought into it, and what I decided to do was take each major character from the Lord of the Rings and pair them up with people that you and I all know. Not celebrities, but regular folk like you and I. That's right, it is a brilliant and fanatastic idea. I know you are thinking it, so don't be afraid to say it.

But first we need some criteria to base each association on. Here's what I used to pair up each person and character:

1) Resemblance of personality
2) Resemblance of behavior
3) Resemblance of pysical appearance.

So, let us begin. First we will look at the members of the Fellowship:

Frodo Baggins: Chandler Snyder. Short, fun-loving, determined. All the essentials for a good Frodo.

Samwise Gamgee: John Harold Wiley. Devoted, loving, a little quirky. He makes a nice Sam.

Merriweather (Merry) Brandybuck: Colby Adams. Smart, cunning, and once again, short. Do you see a theme devloping here?

Peregrin (Pippin) Took: John Askew. Curly lockes, comical, happy. A perfect fit.

Gimli the Dwarf: Troy "The Enforcer" Woodyard. Stern, stubborn, rugged. This was an easy pairing. Oh yeah, and they both have helmets.

Boromir: Hagan York. Handsome, strong, courageous. Hagan, that workout regimen has finally paid off for you.

Aragorn (Strider): Jason Lamb. Tall, noble, rugged when he wants to be. Jason, you are my liege.

Legolas: Wes "He's got mad bow skillz" Cooper. Tall, fair skinned, loved by all the ladies. All I'm sayin is, don't hate because I'm immortal. (brushing shoulder off and popping jersey)

Gandalf the Grey/Gandalf the White: Coach Cravens. Wise, noble, fearless. Coach, you are them man.

Now then, those are all the members of the Fellowship. Let's move right along to those other characters of equal importance....

Eomer, Marshall of the Mark: Jon Canler. Strong, willfull, dominates in all combat. I actually think Canler should have been cast in the movie.

Elrond: Travis Claypool. Wise, good at everything, stud. Yep, that's Travis.

Elros: Keith Walters. Multi-talented, well-rounded. And he likes to travel the world.

Arwen: Rachel Russel. Reserved, indepndant, devoted to her nice but confused boyfriend.

Tom Bombadil: Bob Justice. Merry, a little bit plump, and looking awfully good for his age.

Galadriel: Lindsey Wells. Long, culry blonde lockes. That's enough to get the part I think.

Celeborn: Chris Smith. Basically because Lindsey is his girlfriend.

Rosie Cotton: Erin Thomas. Short and adorbale. I think I may start calling her Rosie.

Treebeard the Ent: Brandon Sok. Tall skinny being that mumbles a lot of indiscernable crap. Stick!!!

Smeagol/Gollum. Justin "The Dominator" Tapp. Mysterious, sneaky, and always talking to himself. Isn't it ironic that the Dominator was dominated by the Ring?

Faramir: Dustin Coleman. Soft-spoken and honorable. Dustin makes a nice fit.

Bilbo: Dave Blake. The mentor, both smart and wise.

Denthor: Josh Jude. Firm, outspoken, passionate. Josh, just don't go hurling yourself off a huge tower while on fire just because you think some army of Orcs is coming to get you.

Grima Wormtongue: Andy Henard. Because he is a liar!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha!

Farmer Maggot: Matt Woodyard. Can't you picture Matt chasing kids off his property with a huge sickle here in about 35 years?

Haldir: Ryan Preece. Tall, blonde, vicious in battle. If you've seen him play indoor soccer you'll know what I'm talking about.

Isildur: Justin Sok. Tall, galiant, but a little misguided. :)

Elendil: Bill "Uncle Bill" Henard. Doesn't it just seem fitting that he should play this part?

Prince Amrahil of Amroth: Brett Riley. Quiet on the outside, but fierce on the inside. You should play some NCAA '06 with this kid.

Glorfindel: Bryce "Q-Tip" Cooper. The blonde hair and swiftness of foot while carrying water to the UK football players made this another easy choice.

Barliman Butterbur: Chad Elliot. Chad just looks like a gut who could run a pub.

Eowyn: Melissa Hart. Both dedicated to the men that they love.

Theoden: Dave Campbell. Both say a lot of stupid things.

Goldberry: Allison Seacrest Walters. Seacrest out!

Beorn the Woodsman: Gotch. Just seems like that type of guy.

Saruman: Smitty. Sorry, the only place I could think of to put you.

The Army of the Dead (The Oathbreakers): All the anonymous commenters on this blog. It's hard to know much about you when we don't know who you are....

The Dark Lord Sauron: Mitch Barnhart. Slowly but surely covering the UK football program in darkness and despair, at least until he fires Rich Brooks.

*******With the exception of a few, this list is not final. If you feel that you were misrepresented, or not represented at all, or if I left out a character, please inform me. I will hear your plea, and if I find good enough reason in your argument I will change your pairing.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


This post is specifically for anyone who went to see Dave in South Carolina. I was checking out what movies were coming out in the near future and I happened to stumble upon one called "Loggerheads". I looked into it, and sure enough, it is about Loggerhead turtles. Looks pretty stupid. Check it out at yahoo movies.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

More Conversations From Work

I had an interesting day at school and night at work, so I thought I would share some of it with you.....

-This question was asked to me by a fellow employee: "Hey, have you tooken college english yet?" I sure did. I got learned real good in that class.

- This comment was made later about school: Man I hate this job, I should have stayed my a** in school."

- This question was asked by a student to a professor today in class: "I'm confused about what a neurotransmission is. I mean, you know, what it does and what it is and everything." Professor's answer: "Well first of all it is a verb." I love it.

-A conversation I had with a fellow employee today. Keep in mind this guy is about 10-15 years older than me, and working at the footwear department at Dick's Sporting Goods...

Dude: So did you have a good weekend? Did you pound a lot of units?

Wes: What?

Dude: I said did you pound a lot of units this weekend?

Wes: Pound a lot of units?

Dude: Yeah..

Wes: I don't know what that means.

Dude: You know, pound a lot of units....(tilts his head back and makes a motion with his hand as if he is taking a swig of a beverage)

Wes: (expression of utter confusion)

Dude: Did you go drinkin man, that's what I was askin.

Wes: I don't drink.

Dude: Oh......well you're a good man. So how bout that Indiana game? Was that bad or what?

The times, they are a changin'...

Ever since school has started back up I've been thinking back on the past summer. Without question, one fo the worst summers ever. But why? Besides the fact that nothing exciting really happened, I can't quite put my finger on what the problem was. Then someone brought it to my attention that I am getting older, and that the things that I once found fun now bore me. This is somewhat true. I don't enjoy staying out late anymore. Large groups of people bother me. There are many things that I recall enjoying in past years that I try to avoid now.

So what's the deal? Part of it is that I have changed. I don't know how or why, but I have. I am not the same as I was at the beginning of college. This is what is supposed to happen, I assume. And it's not that I don't like it, but it takes some getting used to. I have found that little things bring me joy these days, which was not necessarily the case in the past. I have turned my attention to other things, some of which are more serious and important than others, while still holding on to other things that I have always enjoyed.

I guess my point is that while this summer really did suck, it is not because things are getting worse, it's just because things are changing, both in me and around me. However, with all that said, there were still some highlights (few though they may be) from the summer, which, of course, we must look back to....

First lets look at the top movies I saw this summer:

-Garden State: I really liked this movie, I love Zach Braff, and he did a brilliant job both directing and acting in this film.
-Hotel Rwanda: A must see.
-Batman Begins: The best Batman movie to date. I don't really care for the superhero genre of film, however Batman is tight because he doesn't ave any special powers. He just runs around beating up criminals for fun.
-Star Wars Episode III: G. Lucas finally got it right and, despite the bad acting, this was a fantastic movie.

-Biggest disapointment: War of the Worlds: Spielberg took a good book and ruined it.

Moving on, some of the better moments/activites of the summer....

-Trip to SC to see Dave. That was a blast.

-Law & Order: SVU and Scrubs with the Morg.

-Perhaps the funniest thing that occured all summer was when Dustin, Chris and I decided it would be fun prank call people using the Dr. Phil soundboard we found on-line.


-Softball. It's not about wins or losses, it's about the WebGems.

-There was that time I got to haul a buch of heavy rocks out of the sinkhole in my backyard. That was fun.

-There was that time that Jeff and I got poison ivy. That was awesome.

-My brother saw a UFO. Ask him about it sometime.

Not much else comes to mind at the moment. If you've got anything else, please feel free to share. As for me, I'm gonna go eat lunch now, because I'm hungry.

Monday, September 19, 2005

New Link

Well it has finally happened....Chris Smith has given in and started a blog. I say "given in" becuase he has wanted one for a long time and has been extremely jealous of mine for a long time, although he would not admit it. I rememember a coversation we had at the beginning of summer.........

Chris: "What are you reading there?"

Wes: "It's a blog. You should read them sometime, they are cool. I even have my own."

Chris: "Ahh, that's lame dude."

Wes: "Why?"

Chris: "I just think blogs are incredibly stupid."

My how the times have changed. Anyway, he's linked up to the side, so give him a visit sometime.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Week In Review

It was recently brought to my attention by an anonymous commenter that some of you (well at least one of you) enjoy my "What I Think/What I Know" posts, so seeing as how haven't done it in a while, I thought I would roll with it this evening.......

What I Know: I woke up this morning to find that Rich Brooks still had a job after UK was DOMINATED by an Indiana team that really shouldn't be any better than them.

What I Think: What I saw last night may have been worse than the Ohio loss of last year. I saw a team that had no fire, no passion, no drive (no pun intended). I saw UK linemen get MANHANDLED by IU players not any bigger than them. I saw passiveness on offense. I saw utter confusion on defense. I saw a team that was totally unprepared for a game. I saw not a football team, but 22 football players on a field not playing as a team. And what I saw cannot be blamed on lack of athleticism: IU does not have a more athletic team than UK (I will give the offense some slack here, they lost a lot to injury). What I saw cannot be blamed on probation. What I saw can only be blamed on coaching. Period.

What I Know: Dante Culpepper, starting QB for my Fantasy Football team, threw 6 ints and 1 TD today. Once again, strong work Dante.

What I Think: Dante will be riding the pine next week. Time for Tom Brady to suit up and throw down.

What I Know: Wes Cooper had his first test of the semester this week (Statistics)

What I Think: Wes Cooper owned that test, because, as my good friend Troy likes to say, "Wes Cooper is hard-core, that's how he rolls." Wes is hard-core, and don't you forget it.

What I Know: King of Queens begins a new season Monday night at 8 pm on CBS.

What I Think: This show is tight, if you haven't watched it before you should check it out.

What I Know: Brett Favre is my favorite player ever.

What I Think: With the Packers struggling this year, this will be it for Brett. He is one tough dude, but I think it is is time to go. I'll miss you buddy.

What I Know: "Facebook" is very popular with college kids these days.

What I Think: We need to have a talk about Facebook for a sec. Ok, here's the deal. I don't mind that you like to play on Facebook; your personal hobbies are not my business. I admit I enjoy the occasional browsing of friends and what-not on the Facebook. But do not, do NOT tell me detailed stories about any personal exploits involving Facebook. If you've got something to say about Facebook, make it brief. Long Facebook stories are not cool, man.

What I Know: I have yet to see a "Gettin' Lucky In Kentucky" shirt on campus this semester.

What I Think: It is for the better.

What I Know: We have ushers at church.

What I Think: What exactly is the verb that ushers do? Do they ush?

What I Know: Several of the young ladies in the college department live in a house down on Kastle Road. They like to refer to their house as "The Kastle".

What I Think: I refuse to call that house The Kastle. There are no stone walls. There are no catapults. There are no towers. There is no moat. It's not a castle. Tonight Sarai had her birthday party down there. After church people asked me "Hey are you going down to the Kastle?" I said "If you mean Lucy's/Erin's/Sarai's/Morgan's/Laura's house, then yes, I am going there. But don't call it the Kastle." I think all the girls down there are cool as all get out, and we can all still be good friends, but I'm not going to conform to popular culture and call it the Kastle. I don't really even have a good reason for refusing to call it such. It's kind of like Jon Canler's nickname "Can-Man". I love Jon to death, but I'm not going to call him that. So that's that. Besides, you know everyone else on that street refers to their house as the Kastle.

Allright then, that is all I've got. Not a lot, I know. I have to admit, there I've been at work a lot the past days, so not a lot has been going on worth writing about. No worries, though, things will get better. Peace out family.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Pavlov, Fashion, and Break-up advice

I think one of the reasons that I decided to major in psychology was because you see what you learn outside of the classroom. Lately we have been talking about classical conditioning, discovered by Pavlov years ago. For those of you unfamiliar with this particular subject, let me catch you up right quick:

-The basic idea is that by pairing two stimuli together (one conditioned and one unconditioned) you can eventually elicit a response from the conditioned response alone. Classic example: You have a dog. The sight of food (unconditioned stimulus, or US) will make a dog salivate (unconditioned response (UR)). So what you do is ring a bell,(conditioned stimulus (CS)) right before you present the food to the dog. Eventually, the dog will start to salivate at the sound of the bell (conditioned response (CR)).

Make sense? Good. Well, it came to my attention last night that this has been occuring with Dustin and I for quite some time now. You see, as soon the "band" Water's Edge is done playing, Dustin and I have a tradition of going to the bathroom, just before the start of Bible Study. In the past it has been because we actually had to use the bathroom, and didn't want to hold it through Bible study. But last night, I didn't even need to go, yet as soon as Water's Edge was done playing, I headed for the bathroom, as did Dustin. Water's Edge being done playing (the CS) triggered my reaction to go to the bathroom (CR), despite the fact that the usual US (needing to use the bathroom) did not exist. You have to admit, that's tight.

-Speaking of classical conditioning, what's with these enormous sunglasses girls are wearing these days? They look incredibly stupid. It reminds me of last year when the trendy thing was those rediculous snow boots that girls wore with regular outfits, even in hot weather. I don't know a lot about fashion, but those were incredibly stupid looking. And I'll tell you this, I've never once heard a guy say "Man, check out that girl's snow boots. Those are tight", or "Did you see that girl with those huge sunglasses on? I could only see her forehead and chin, but those glasses were ill". So if you are reading this and you own a pair of those snow boots or large sunglasses, I hope I haven't offended you or made you mad. But seriously, you need to pitch that crap out.

-Here's some funny stuff: Dustin fell out of his chair last night. Were having a serious conversation, too, it wasn't like he was laughing so hard he fell out of his chair. He was just leaning back when all the sudden he just lost control. It all kind of happened in slow motion, too. Like watching a train wreck happen.

-I'm having a hard time dealing with people in my stats class. We are still in the basic stuff and people are having an incredibly hard time with it. And once again, we can't seem to grasp the concept of not having math problems on the test. I recently told you about the guy who asked if we would be needing a calculator for the test, right after the teacher had said that there would be no math problems on it. Yesterday, some guy asks "So will you be providing the formulas for the test or will we need to memorize them?" I nearly laughed out loud when I heard this. This is like the 12th time we have gone over this and we have only had like 8 classes. I really am a patient person, but this is starting to annoy me.

-This is gonna be my must see-TV list for this season:

6) Arrested Development
5) Crossing Jordan
4) Law & Order: SVU
3) The Office
2) The King of Queens
1) Scrubs

-One new show I am considering: My Name is Earl. At first I thought it was going to be just another desperate attempt at cheap laughs, but I found out that there is more to it. Check it out for yourself, I don't feel like explaining it.

-Well I know you all were hoping for me to tell you about something funny that Troy did or said, but unfortuantely he said and did nothing funny last night. However, Jason Lamb managed to step in and pinch hit for him in good fashion. So, instead of the Troy Woodyard Quote of the Day, it will be the .......

"Jason Lamb Quote of the Day": It was actaully more of a moment than a quote. Last night Chandler was telling me about how if you put $2000 into an IRA right now it will be worth $2.2 million by the time you are 65. Jason immdiatley turns to Chandler and says (in that way that only Jason can): Chandler, do no store up treasures for yourself here on earth, but rather store up for yourself treaures in heaven". There's nothing better than delivering an "Ooooh Slam" Matthew 6:19-20 style. Kudos to Lambo.

-There is one last matter of business that I must address. We here at Cooperstown don't mind anonymous comments so much; we prefer that you reveal yourself but we value your feedback too much to block anonymity. However, we will NOT tolerate stupid names, like "psalm 103". Don't pretend to be a Bible verse, that is absurd. However, most other nicknames are fine, such as "The yellow dart", who often visits us here at Cooperstown (You know you want to tell me your real name).

-And finally, before I forget, let me tell you about this. Eric Walters enlightened Dustin and I last night on the best way to break up with someone. One phrase is all that is needed to end the relationship. You simply take he/she aside, look them in the eye, and say "Look, seriously, the phone calls have gotta stop." Brilliant.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Keep That Mouth Shut

Well this morning I was in one of those moods where little things upset me more than they should. I know you know what I am talking about, everyone has those days. Today (at least this morning) was one of those times for me. As usual I roll down to school and park my car, my rims still spinnin' and what not. I throw on the good old iPod, and proceed to walk to class. I pick up a paper and read about the latest developments in the UK Student Governement fiasco. It seems Becky Ellingsworth is officially the new president (Do you hear that? That's the sound of 25,000 students not giving a rip about this whole issue). Anyway, that is not the point. I took my seat in the back, about 10 minutes before class started. I kept the iPod on and continued to read the paper. A few minutes later I look up and see the teacher talking, so I make an effort to put my stuff away, when he looks directly at me and says "Are we ready to start class? Is it OK if I go ahead and start?"

I was not emabarrassed, but a little mad. Could he not see that I was making a concerted effort to put my belongings away? Why does he have to be a jerk about it? Some thoughts raced through my head as to what my response should be. It just so happens that this particualr teacher is a 25 year-old doctoral student whose voice tends to squeak 10-15 times during class. My first thought was to respond "Yeah, I'm ready, as long as you'll be keeping the squeaks to a minimum today" or something of that nature. "

I don't get mad often. I would dare say that of the known readers of this blog, only a handful have seen me mad before (Dave and Troy I know for sure). It takes a lot for me to get mad, and fortunately for this professor, I just sat there, smiled, and gave him a thumbs up. Why? Because I am a nice guy, that's why. One of my biggest personal theories in life: Bad things happen when you open your mouth.

A classic example of this happened tonight at work: I was talking to a couple of guys who are pretty cool to talk to. One of them was discussing a new employee that was acting like a chump this morning, pretending that he knew everything about everything. The guy who I was talking to says "I mean if you work at a shoe store at age 30 that's pretty pathetic". It just so happens that the other member of the conversation is 32, and the guy who made the comment soon realized it. He then made a fool of himself trying to explain what he meant and cover up his mistake.

Folks this is why we should not run our mouths, which I tend to do quite a bit, especially late at night. Otherwise uncomfortable situations like this arise.

On a final note, I picked up the new Swithcfoot CD today. It is quite good (or as I like to say, it's "dope family")

Well that's all I've got tonight. Hope all is well for everyone reading this. Bon soir, mes amis!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Guess who reads my blog!!!!

Some thoughts from the past week:

-Well just when you thought UK had finally turned it's football program in the right direction, they go and lose half their starters to injury in the first two games of the season. You really gotta feel bad for some of these kids. Poor Tommy Cook was in rehab for who knows how long so he could play a sixth season at UK, only to dislocate his patella against a D1-AA school.

-My newest theory: God hates UK football. Reason: if we had a good football team and basketball team, no one in this state would go to church anymore.

-The groping couple who I wrote about in my last post sat in front of me at the football game Saturday night. Maybe God is not to fond of me right now either.

-I may boycott all UK football games simply for the fact that UK first downs are no longer announced ".....that gain is good for another first down, Kentucky!", but rather "......that gain is good for another Thornton's first down, Kentucky!" Advertising has officially gone to far.

-Sticking with the football theme, my fantasy football team lost week 1. Reason: Dante Culpepper threw for 3 INTs, no TDs. Strong work Dante.

- Seems it only took 4 years for our country to forget 9/11.

-Elizabethtown had a special premier showing in the 'Ville and in Elizabethtown Saturday night. I just found out today, otherwise I would have been there. Opening night is only a month away. If they cut my scene, you may see me madder than you've ever seen me before.

-Troy Woodyard Quote of the Week: "I'm the enforcer on this team. Nobody brings it into my wheelhouse."

-Troy Woodyard "Bad Decsion That Seemed Good at the Time" of the Week #1: Going camping in the gorge with no tent expecting to sleep on a tarp. Result: getting attacked by daddy long-legs, and a premature trip home late that night.

-Troy Woodyard "Bad Decision That Seemed Good At The Time" of the week #2: Ordering a huge plate of Cheddar's cheesefries for dinner, then proceeding to consume the entire plate. Result: ummm....

-FYI I use Troy in the blog because a) he does funny crap every day and b) we are best friends so it's all good

- "Here's What You Did" of the week: My stats professor says that there will be no math problems on the test, so a dude up front raises his hand and asks "So will we need a calculator on the test?" Here's what you did: Professor said there would be no math problems on the test. So you raised your hand and asked if we would need a calculator on the test. That's what you did.

-Poser of the Week: Dude at the football game who got on the jumbo-cam so he could hold up some cash in front of the camera.

-New Porter Rule: Play on The Facebook all you flippin want to, but don't bring it up in a conversation.

-Can you imagine what things would be like if we all loved people like that kid Keith talked about tonight?

-And finally tonight, I just found out that the one and only Susie Gotcher has read this blog at least once, which means Cooperstown has officially gone world-wide. Thank you Susie, and to all who visit regularly.....keep commenting and we'll see how long we can keep this party going. Until next time, keep it real family.........

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


So I'm sitting in my Brain and Behavior class today near the back when a couple walks in together and sits directly in front of me. They then immmediately proceed to touch all over each other in a manner that is just unnecessary in the classroom, or in public in general. Eveb after class had started, one of them was touching the other in some manner the rest of the class.

I can't tell you how much this annoys me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against touching or showing affection or anyhting of that nature. But I don't want to see other people all over each other 2 feet in front of me in a room with an air temperature of about 85 degrees. As this went on in front of me, I began to think "If only Tyler Yeary were here". He would put a quick stop to it with a line like "Excuse me, but do you two think you could ease down to a mild grope?"

So to all to whom this applies, let's keep the excessive petting, rubbing, laying in your partners lap, etc. in public to a minumum.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Wake Me Up When September Begins

Well, autumn is almost here, which makes me happy. The Fall season happens to be my favorite time of year. The smell in the air, the colors, Halloween, football. It all adds up to create something that no other season can compete with. There's something about the atmosphere that I can't quite put my finger on, something that makes it more unique than any other time of the year. Perhaps it is seeing the world around you die in a glorious spectacle of red, yellow and orange. Perhaps it is the rustling of the of the leaves as they drift down the streets in the wind. Perhaps it is the eerie forboding of the approaching winter. Whatever it is, I like it. Spring is nice, but it makes me sneeze. Summer means no school, but it is too hot. Winter has snow but it is too cold. Autumn, however, is perfect. Some of the more tangible reasons why it is my favorite season:

1) The weather. Could you ask for better weather? I love the fact that I can step outside without SPF-ing it up and not get sunburned in half an hour.

2) The colors. For a couple of weeks, before all the leaves have fallen, it is a magnificent sight to behold.

3) Halloween. One of my favorite holidays. Do know that smell that Halloween has? I can't describe it, but it seems to be a smell that only comes around on All Hallow's Eve.

4) Thanksgiving. This needs no explanation.

5) The sounds. Leaves rustling, the wind blowing, the quiteness of night. All add to the mystic sura of autumn.

6) Football. Yes, that's right. Fall means the start of a new football season, which leads me into my next topic: opening day for UK.

While I was disappointed that we lost, I can't tell you how pleased I was with the performance of this year's squad. While many will look at this as just anotherletdown against a highly-ranked opponent, I look at is a huge step forward for the program. Two things stuck out to me while watching the game: 1) We moved the ball effectively. 2) We actaully made defensive adjustments at halftime, and held the 'Ville to 3 points in the second half. Here are my thoughts about how each position performed:

QB: Woodson exceeded my expectations, despite his fumbles. He throws the ball extremley, and makes good decisions. He seems to be lacking some pocket-presence, however. He has to recognize when his protection is breaking down, and either roll out or tuck the ball and run. I think this will develop as the season progresses.

RB: Rafael Little played well considering he had some very small holes to run through. He will be a major threat on offense, both recieving and rushing. He reads blocks well and has the speed to get around most defenders. I expect big things in the future from him.

O-Line: This was UK's undoing if you ask me. 7 sacks is unacceptable. However, the good news is that the O-line played much better in the secong half. All the lineman are over 300 pounds, and are coached by a man who coached the O-line at FSU for 17 years. They will get much better as the season goes on.

Receivers: By far the teams strong point. Burton looked phenomenal and has potential to become a big-time playmaker. Mitchell, Holt, Cook, and Tamme all also played well. I saw only one dropped pass the whole game, which is pretty darn good. This will be UK's bread-and butter this year.

D-line: They looked shaky in the first half, but got it together in the second half. They have to close those holes up. It might be important to mention that their best defensive end missed the game due to injury. This will be paramount to the teams success.

Linebackers: Nothing spectacular but nothing too bad either. Need to be able to put more pressure on the QB.

Secondary: Played extremely well, depite the fact that they had to worry about the run and the pass. UL had no pass plays over 20 yards. They kept everyting in front of them, and made big stops on third down, breaking up passes and making key tackles. This may be the best secondary we have had in quite a while.

Special Teams: Punter looked rattled, but that is to be expected when you are told you will be starting unexpectadly just days before. Kicking game was solid. Burton looked good returning kicks. Look for him to take one to the house before years end.

I am excited about this season. I think we may have finally started to turn things around. I know it is still early, but I think this team has the potential to do some great things this year. Hopefully we will draw some national attention and be able to bring in a solid recruiting class next year.

Fianlly, some random notes:

-Official song of the summer: Sugar, We're Goin' Down by Fall Out Boy.

- Troy Woodyard Quote of the week: "Man, I used to go up to Kroger all the time and get some of that grape soda and then throw it up later."

-Dick's Sporting Goods highlight of the week: Today a fellow employee suggested that we make up a game to play to pass time when business is slow. My boy Byron's suggestion for a fun game: "Slap That Booty". He then proceeded to demonstrate by making a booty-slapping motion with his hand while saying "Bhap!". That's pricleless.