Wednesday, May 17, 2006

On the Supreme Mandate

About 4 years ago, after my freshman year of college, I owned a Red Jeep Cherokee. It was a good car, but it was nearly 12 years old at the time, and it's best years were behind it. Also at this time, I was giving Jason Lamb a lot of rides because he didn't have his driver's license. These were good times. But like I said, my Jeep had seen better days, and it was time for me to get a new vehicle. So at that time I bought what I currently drive now, a 1999 green Honda Civic.

Upon acquiring this vehicle, I felt the need to establish a set of rules that would protect my car, it's driver and it's passengers at all times. A "code of conduct", if you will. Since Jason rode in the car with me more than anyone at that time, I asked him to help me develop this mandate that would govern all behavior in my car. This mandate came to be known as "Wes and Jason's Supreme Mandate of Civic Behavior".

This mandate applies to all who ride in my car. Most people have complied with these regulations over the years. However, rules are forgotten over time and I feel the need to reiterate said mandate (with a few amendments).....

WES AND JASON, AS SUPREME OWNER AND CO-PILOT OF WES'S HONDA CIVIC, HEREBY DECREE THAT:

Article I. Jason Lamb shall ride in the front seat at ALL times, except when Article II is in effect. Article may also be known as Title IX.

Article II. Any lady in the car shall be given exclusive rights to ride in the front seat.
Section I. If there are two or more ladies present in the car at one time (and this happens frequently), those two ladies will work out a mutual agreement as to who shall ride in the front seat. If an agreement cannot be reached, then I, Wes, shall appoint a front seat rider in a fashion that I deem fair to all parties.
Section II. Any lady riding in the car holds the right to give up her front seat status. Should a lady benevolently give up her front seat rights, those rights would be passed on the other ladies in the car. If there are no more ladies in the car, then the person who calls "shotgun" fastest will be granted front seat status.

Article III. You shall not leave any trash (i.e. paper waste, food crumbs, soda cans, etc.) in the Civic at ANY time.
Section I. It is permissible that you bring food and beverage into the Civic, however that food or beverage must be approved by Wes.
Section II. If he so desires, Wes may "D Bo" any part of that food or beverage brought into his Civic. Consider it a "tariff" of sorts.

Article IV. You shall not leave your personal belongings in the Civic for an extended period of time.
Section I. Any personal belonging left in the Civic for more than 5 days shall be thrown out. Owners of these items will be given one notice of their left-behind belongings, but after that it is their responsibility to retrieve them.

Article V. You shall not adjust the stereo without Wes's consent.

Section I. If you do not like the music that is currently playing on the radio or in the CD player, you may kindly request Wes that he change the station or put a new CD in. However, he does not necessarily have to comply with your request, even though most times he will.
Section II. Anyone who says "This music sucks" and then proceeds to adjust the radio or CD player will immediately be kicked out of the car at the next stoplight.
Section III. You may bring your own music into the car if you wish, however it must be approved by Wes first.

Article VI. You shall not prank the Civic for ANY reason.
Section I. Any person who pranks the Civic shall suffer SEVERE consequences. Should you prank the Civic, you will not only have evoked my wrath but the wrath of the rest of the Porter Alliance, a large group of Porter men who will not tolerate their vehicles being pranked. Wes and Jason strongly suggest that you heed this warning. If a person pranks ANY car within the Alliance, the Alliance WILL find out who it is, and they WILL retaliate at some point in the future. The Alliance does not initiate anything, they only retaliate.

Article VII. There shall be no discussion of Facebook in the Civic unless it is approved by Wes first.
Section I. First-time offenders will be granted a warning. Second-time offenders will have their mouths taped shut for the remainder of the trip.

Article VIII. There shall be no telling Wes how to drive.

Section I. Trust that your driver will get you where your destination. If Wes wants advice on the quickest route to a destination, he will ask for it.

Article IX. There shall be no taking of loose change from the Civic.

Section I. If you need some change, ask and I will most likely give it to you. Don't just take it.

Article X. If Jason is in the car while you are driving, you shall address him as "My Liege".

THE OWNER AND CO-PILOT HAVE SPOKEN. SO IT HAS BEEN SPOKEN, AND SO SHALL IT BE. RESPECT THE CIVIC.

posted by Wes @ 1:02 PM

4 Comments:

At 5/18/2006 12:59:00 PM, Blogger Nate said...

I have a question concerning "Article II, Section II." What if a lady decides to forgo her front seat rights while there are no other ladies in the car but more than on male including Jason--does it revert to Article I or does Jason also have to yell "Shotgun?"

 
At 5/18/2006 01:03:00 PM, Blogger Nate said...

sorry, that should read
"more than one male including Jason"

 
At 5/18/2006 11:30:00 PM, Blogger Wes said...

It would revert to Article I.

 
At 5/19/2006 10:08:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has there ever been more than one chick in the car?

 

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