Monday, March 06, 2006

MORE Valuable Lessons From Tapp

So this past Saturday I did absolutely NOTHING... I sat around all day (partly because I wasn't feeling too well and partly because I didn't really have anything to do). So I ended up playing a lot of XBox, something I haven't had the chance to do in a long time. Well I had previously started a career on FIFA '05 (that's soccer for those who don't know) as coach of Aberdeen in the Scottish Premier League. Now this was not a very good team when I took over but I made a key trades and now we run all over people. Anyway I was playing a game against a team that I should be beating pretty soundly, except that my players were just letting the other team push them around all over the place (for a mental image of this, imagine how Florida pushed UK around on Sunday, except on the soccer field). We weren't getting to the loose balls, we weren't winning the battles for headers, and we sure as heck weren't shielding the ball.

Well about midway through the second half I had seen enough of this garbage. I tried to think of ways I could get my players to get in gear. You can't mass substitute in soccer, so that wasn't an option. You can't call a timeout, there are not timeouts in soccer. So I thought to myself "What would Tapp do in this situation?" Now Tapp knows nothing about soccer, but he does know how to motivate his players no matter what sport they are playing. So I did what Tapp always did to get his players to do what he wanted: I yelled at the TV. I called them girls (no offense ladies, women's soccer is the truth too). I questioned their manhood publicly. I asked them to remember who and what they played for. I mean really let them have it.

Now I usually don't yell at the TV (except during the occasional UK game), I was told when I was but a young lad that yelling at the TV did no good. But by golly it actually worked this time. All of the sudden we were dominating the other team with no mercy. It was a thing of beauty. A couple of quick goals ensued and the game was won.

Some will say that it is just coincidence, but I say don't be so sure. A part of me thinks that these video games are way smarter than we think....They have minds of their own. Just ask anyone who has played NCAA Football 06, that game learns your style of play and will shut you down if you don't adjust.

Once again, the Tapp method proved to be the better way. I don't remember if I ever saw the TV respond to Tapp screaming at it (then again he was not very articulate in his screaming, so maybe it just couldn't understand him), but the first time I tried it it worked for me. Let's all remember this next time something on the TV isn't quite like you want it. However, you don't have to be quite as animated as Tapp (e.g flying out of your chair and getting directly in front of the TV screaming a bunch of nonsense at it, all while throwing you arms about wildly).

Let's use an example. Let's say that, like me, you love The Office, and you want Jim and Pam too hook up because Jim is a stud and Pam's fiancee is a major-league chump. Now you could just sit back and let fate run it's course. Or you can get involved. You might say to the TV in a loud voice "Go for it Jim, what have you got to lose? It might be easier for you to be on vacation during Pam's wedding....But then how will you be able tp object in the middle of the ceremony? I mean come on!!!!!"

Or perhaps Stabler has kept his cool for the entire episode of Law & Order: SVU, but the suspect is a major jerk and he is smarting off and you want to see Stabler rough him up a little bit. You might just encourage him in a loud voice, saying "Come on Stabler, don't let this dude get the best of you. Slap this fool around a little bit, the Captain won't care." Maybe Stabler will heed your advice.

It's all about interactive TV people. Maybe it doesn't work all the time, but the time it does work it is totally worth it. So once gain, let's thank that eternal well of wisdom Justin Tapp for sharing his valuable knowledge, even if it only works part of the time.

posted by Wes @ 9:56 PM

6 Comments:

At 3/06/2006 11:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'You might just encourage him in a loud voice, saying "Come on stapler, don't let this dude get the best of you. Slap this fool around a little bit, the Captain won't care." Maybe Stabler will heed your advice.'

I don't care that you made a typo... I do it all the time... but that's just way funny. :)

 
At 3/07/2006 09:56:00 AM, Blogger JTapp said...

If that doesn't work for you, THROW things at the TV. Show it you mean business. That's guaranteed to work.

 
At 3/07/2006 12:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

if Jim and Pam dont hook it up, im gonna be really disappointed..... really disappointed i tell ya

 
At 3/07/2006 01:49:00 PM, Blogger Jon Canler said...

I threw things at the t.v. once. My remote broke, and my dad got ticked.

 
At 3/07/2006 05:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh no!! maybe it's my fault kentucky's so bad this year! you see, i think justin is tamer while watching games out of consideration for me. (it's scary when he yells...) so it's his lack of shouting this year that's making them so bad!!! well, i'll have to release him to scream all he wants to during march madness and see if that'll help at all. :)

 
At 3/08/2006 03:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more with your theory about yelling at the TV. Of all the many, many seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, I have only not picked the final person (from the first few episodes) one time. I am convinced that the bachelor/bachelorette could hear me yelling the whole season. I too want Pam and Jim to hook up, so I better start yelling at them.

 

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