Friday, August 19, 2005

Shennanigans at Richard's

We here at Cooperstown have a mission statement that we repeat everyday before we get to work:

"The purpose and mission of Cooperstown, above all else, is:

a) To improve the greater good of the public by providing useful information that will lead to higher thinking.

b) To pass along funny happenings that are observed in everyday life.

c) When appropriate, to voice personal opinions on various topics in order to create good discussion.

d) To pick up chicks.

With that said, todays post falls under categories a, b, and d.

I have now been working at Dick's Sporting Goods (which I have determined to refer to as Richard's so as to avoid endless lame and offensive jokes) for the past few weeks. During this time I have been able to get to know a lot of the people . It is an interesting crew that we have there to say the least, which can result in a lot of hilarious stuff if enough time is given. Some of the goings-on at Richard's over the past few weeks that I have seen (or heard about from reliable sources):

-As I mentioned before, there are a lot of pathetic guys trying to run their game all over the girls there. That is enough to entertain me for the whole workday.

-One classic "macking" blunder: One young man (who will get some more mention later in this post) was coming down the escalator carrying a box. He happened to look down to the bottom of the escalator where he espied a cute girl. Their eyes met and he gave her a little "whassup" head motion and winked at her. However, therein was his blunder. When he took his eyes off the path before him he proceeded to tumble down the escalator, box and all. Then, he got up and tried to hide his limp with a strut.

-Another employee got stuck in the elevator for about 20 minutes, from which he could be heard repeating "Man, it's hot in here."

-The gate on the freight elevator shut while Justin was trying to pull a clothing rack in. It nearly missed his head and slammed into the rack.

-This morning, one of the ops managers kept playing the Hulk Hogan theme song over the loud speakers at an extremely loud volume.

-My manager also fell down the escalator.

-The aforementioned young man who fell down the escalator while macking claims that he was going to go third in this years NBA draft. He also claims that he was the quarterback for his high school football team. It must be noted that he is about 6 foot 1 and 230 pounds. Not quite the NBA frame methinks.

-This same guy was carrying a canoe by the handle when he accidentaly slammed it against the wall with his hand caught between the two. This resulted in him letting loose a stream of obscenities in front of 2 or 3 mangers.

-During a store meeting, some schmuck (who was not a manager or in any leadership position, I might add) asked if it would be possible to move the store opening back a day becasue he had something planned for that day.

-Ask Justin about the toilet paper at the orientation.

-We are having tryouts for a KBA basketball team. Everyone has been talking about how good they are and how they have 36" verticals and can dunk and could have played college ball but got injured and blah blah blah blah.

-At lunch Saturday in the food court, one guy said that there were so many "atrractive ladies with very little clothiing on" (not exactly his words, but what he meant) that he could "bring my camera up in here and shoot a G-Unit video" (those are his exact words).


It is an entertaining place to work to say the least. All we can do is hope and pray that when the doors open, some hot-shot, collar-poppin' poser falls down the escalator. That would make my day.

posted by Wes @ 3:19 PM

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